Big Bangs Across The Pond

i used to skip stones
by the water's edge,
back when red suns rose
high above the rest
of the world. undressed,
not a cloud in sight.
now i'm feeling like
i'm seeing every
cloud in the sky
and when it finally gets dark,
we'll be standing alone
asking one another, "um,"
"exactly what just happened?"
and wondering if there were
any stars to begin with.
technically, there weren't,
but human nature pretends
and depends on folk lore
to make us feel more whole,
as if our planet's not a blink in the sky,
and then dies.
Last edited by BluePaintCult at Jan 19, 2009,
i'm sorry dude i never saw this.

i dug the rhyming in the beginning for sure, it wasn't really cloaked but it still managed to seem subtle. i think there's something off in the final two lines but i'm not sure what.

the only real issue i have with this is that starting with "technically" and going through "whole" it reads more like a lecture in psych class than a poem. the beginning and last two lines are definitely impressive though. and while i say that, on the whole i definitely think this was enjoyable. i dig the rhythm.
Quote by Ninjamonkey767
Check the rules for how the C4C system works. No bumping allowed.

I mean no disrespect here, nor do I come to anyone's defense, but I'm quite certain that at some point in Mr. Blue's 5+ years here, he's become quite aware of the "c4c" system you people seem to worship (a little too closely, most of the time) and has contributed more than enough to this forum to make it what it is today (for better or for worse) to be able to ask a question in his own thread without being flamed by someone who is not a moderator, made no contribution to this thread whatsoever, and is, in his own way, adding to the strict and regulated collapse of most freedoms we on the internet (specifically UG) regularly enjoy. So please, if you don't have anything nice (or at least helpful) to type, type nothing.

That said, I think this is a cynical yet accurate summation of why humans depend on the psychological comforts, such as religion, the need for some kind of promise of an afterlife, that they do. It could be more, but it doesn't pretend to be, so it doesn't need to be. Some of the line breaks are odd when looking at them, such as

"high above the rest
of the world"

but can be overlooked when reading it aloud. It's observational, and I like it, but it's relatively unspectacular - there's very little that is moving, or provides a perspective that few mention their sight of.
Last edited by spike_8bkp at Jan 19, 2009,