#1
Hey guys. I'm new to writing songs as you're about to find out and I just wanted some advice on how to make this better. I know it's not that great but I want to improve and any criticism is good at this point. Thanks in advance. JD (Josh)

Untitled

Intro
Am, G, Em, C

Verse 1
Am, G, Em, C
I've been thinkin' about you,
'bout how you don't know what I really feel.
What the hell should I do about this?
None of it even seems real.

Bridge 1
Am, G, Em, C
I keep trying to do what's right,
but I guess all I do is wrong.
Now, you left me here, you're out of sight,
but it won't be this way for long...

Chorus
Am, F, C, G
Cause you're on my mind,
all the time.
I can never forget,
that day we met.
Now all I can see,
is that you slipped away from me, baby.

Verse 2
Am, G, Em, C
Every time you look at me,
I see those pretty eyes.
Start to think of what could be,
then can't bring myself to say goodbye.

Bridge 2
Am, G, Em, C
Now it seems you're so far away,
but baby you're so important to me.
In my heart you'll always stay,
until I catch a glimpse of reality...

Chorus

Verse 3
Am, G, Em, C
I lie in bed, awake at night,
running a hand through my hair.
Waiting for the first sign of light,
and wishing you were there.
End on Am
Last edited by JD1992 at Jan 20, 2009,
#2
Quote by JD1992
Hey guys. I'm new to writing songs as you're about to find out and I just wanted some advice on how to make this better. I know it's not that great but I want to improve and any criticism is good at this point. Thanks in advance. JD (Josh)

Untitled

Intro
Am, G, Em, C

Verse 1
Am, G, Em, C
I've been thinkin' about you,
'bout how you don't what I really feel.
What the hell should I do about this?
None of it even seems real.

The second line is confusing and throws this verse off

Bridge 1
Am, G, Em, C
I keep trying to do what's right,
but I guess all I do is wrong.
Now, you left me here, you're out of sight,
but it won't be this way for long...

I liked this verse there was a small typo in it and I fixed it for you

Chorus
Am, F, C, G
Cause you're on my mind,
all the time.
I can never forget,
that day we met.
Now all I can see,
is that you slipped away from me, baby.

Very good verse but doesnt flow well from the last verse at least the way I read it

Verse 2
Am, G, Em, C
Everytime you look at me,
I see those pretty eyes.
Start to think of what could be,
then can't bring myself to say goodbye.

I dont care much for this verse to be honest the first two lines are good, but the last two dont flow that well

Bridge 2
Am, G, Em, C
Now it seems you're so far away,
but baby you're so important to me.
In my heart you'll always stay,
until i catch a glimpse of reality...

Very good I love this verse nothings wrong with it

Chorus

Verse 3
Am, G, Em, C
I lie in bed, awake at night,
running a hand through my hair.
Waiting for the first sign of light,
and wishing you were there.

Very good these last two verses are very strong and very good and improved what I thought of the song to be honest
End on Am



very good I had my doubts at the beginning but at the end I had changed my mind good job I know I seem a little harsh in my crits but Im a nitpicker haha if you dont mind criting mine the links in the sig
#3
Thanks therealtater. I'm working on rewriting those verses and I can see what you mean. I wrote this over a few days but I still think the beginning was a little rushed. I spent a lot of time working on the background guitar part. I'm sorta new to acoustic (having played electric for 5 years) and my fingers are so sore it's like starting over again. Well thanks for the crit, I wrote you a little blurb before I have to leave which i s now. I'll post my new lyrics tomorrow probably.

Thanks again,

Josh