#1
Heres my newest piece even though the title said love song its a poem for my girlfriend let me know what yall think crit 4 crit

What is love?
Why do we fall in it?
Can we get up?
Is it a trap?
Can we get out?
This word was so powerful
but now has an abstract meaning
Its overused
and been abused
by so many
but when I say it
I mean it
baby this poem is for you
If its a trap
dont let me out
I've become
attached to you
I dont know
why we fall
or if we get up
but I'm fine where
I'm at laying on the
ground next to you
#2
You must understand that most pieces about love I find sappy and quite lame. It's difficult for me to read lyrics about love and take them seriously, because honestly most the time I've heard it all before, and the words lose their meaning. Like you said, "overused", "been abused". I'm glad that you chose to incorporate this into your poem, it does give it that little extra push.
The questions that you ask at the beginning, you've attempted to answer, and at the end you've found some peace:
"but I'm fine where
I'm at laying on the
ground next to you"
Showing maybe that the question of what love is, is irrelevant so long as you find happiness?

Either way this poem is relatively well written, even if it is about a subject I try to distance myself from. It's a difficult topic to tackle, (and I wouldn't even try haha), but you seem to get some meaning accross which is ultimately your goal.
#3
I liked it
It was (and I say this with the most heterosexual connotations possible) very sweet.
I like how the beginning of the poem is like a big question and the the second part is almost like your answer to it

7/10
#6
I agree with powerhead completely. It's well written, and a very lovely poem, but like the title says very cliche because of the subject matter. It's very hard to be original, but this is very heartfelt. For me, even though the words are all ones i've read before, i can tell it's very genuine and sincere. I'd be flattered if this was written for me.
#7
I liked this, not that cliche, no. Didn't really like the title, I reckon something like 'What is love' would be more appropriate. Obviously there are limits when it comes to love, but I think you did a pretty good job.

'This word was so powerful
but now has an abstract meaning'

I didn't really like that part, broke the flow for me. Nice ending, my favourite part.
#8
Hey man, I think this is pretty well written. Better than I can do anyways. I enjoyed the intro the most I think, the questions... no one questions love anymore in song. Everyone just says they're in love. Also I agree with Powerhead,
Like you said, "overused", "been abused".
you've used interesting words. The normal words that everyone uses are so.. bland.

Thanks for the crit on my first song!

Josh
#9
It's like a story that weave together in the end. I'm not into loves song but you didn't dissapoint. I was impressed, it was good.


You can teach anyone to play fast, but you gotta have soul.
-Zakk Wylde


My set:
Gibson SG Faded Cherry
Peavy Rage 158
Boss DS-1 Distortion
#10
this is pretty damn good man, pretty damn good
Speak the truth and speak 'ever
Cost it what it will
For he who hide the wrong he did
Did the wrong thing still
#12
Very Nice. I liked the poem. it was a tad cliche, but it got the message across. Love is a very touvhy subject, but you seemed to have pulled it off, crit for crit, Tools of Villainy.
#13
This was really good, I like the style it's in where it's like short lines instead of large paragraphs.
Good Job.
8/10