#1
Hey fellas. This is one or my recent songs and its been a while since I've posted. Tell me what you think and any crits, but keep in mind this is a pretty rough draft.

Another Day
URL: http://www.myspace.com/tenacioushank

Lyrics:
When I wake up I want to look to my right
And find you sleeping there peacefully
When you wake up do you want to look to your left
And feel me kissing you truthfully
If I had one wish Id ask to be with you
Tomorrow still

[Chorus]
So grant me one wish and wait with me
Another day.
If you want this, after tonight ill give you
Another day.
If its your wish, Ill be with you
Again right here,
So whisper softly in my ear for
Another day


I wish I could kiss you a hundred thousand times
In one night if that’s all the time we had
Do you wish id miss you and say all of our goodbyes
From one night as if its all the time we have
If I had one wish Id ask to be with you
Tomorrow still

[Chorus]

[breakdown]
I havent written the guitar for this, the stuff thats in the recording is just random on the spot ****.)

So grant me one wish
If you want this
If its your wish
Tell me your wish
So whisper softly in my ear for
Another day
"One good thing about music is when it hits, you feel no pain."
~ Bob Marley
#2
Can you upload it onto UG? Your link isn't working for me, and I'd really like to hear it.
From the lyrics I can tell it's a powerful chorus with a deep meaning. From a first glance the chorus reminds me of Take Me Away by Blue Oyster Cult.
#3
I've been trying to add it to my UG profile, but for some reason I cant load the page with my MP3s. I also cant load anyone else profile.

The link to my music myspace should work, and if not I posted the URL.
"One good thing about music is when it hits, you feel no pain."
~ Bob Marley
#4
Thanks for the crit! sorry for the late reply, I had work!

Nice tone on the guitar. The playing is great too. Singing is in key too

I love it when the chords come in. I think it'd work great without another instrument though. Maybe a violin or something? Just something over the top. If you know what I mean.

overall, great work though thanks for the crit
Quote by sashki
A lot of pros do that: if they play a wrong note, they'll hit it again to make it look as if it's intentional. It's called "jazz", aparently.
#5
I'm liking the guitar progression a lot, its got a chill vibe and is played well. Your melody is tight and the lyrics are good.

Constructive Criticism
Your voice isn't bad, but your vocal tone is a bit nasally and suppressed sounding. You are pretty good about staying on pitch, just try singing from your diaphragm and projecting more when you sing.

Maybe add some slight reverb to your guitar and vocal tracks to give the recording a bit of a 'bigger' sound to it.