#1
This is for my grandma, who is dying from cancer and is the closest thing to a mother I have, let me know what you think I dont like how it ends to be honest so any pointers on how to end it will be appricated

Verbally assulated
Mentally abused
you took me in
and nurtured my wounds
showed me the way
and made me who I am today
You taught me what
love really is
I cant say thank you
enough, I love you
so much
Always there for me
in my time of need
I couldnt ask for
anyone better
but what I guess
Im trying to say is
Thank you
#5
hey man, this is amazing
great wording
Speak the truth and speak 'ever
Cost it what it will
For he who hide the wrong he did
Did the wrong thing still
#8
How about
But I guess
All there is really left
To say to you
For All you have done
Is Thank you
For What I Have Become.
#9
Pretty good. "and made me who I am today" seems too long though. Maybe change it to "brought me to today", or something of that nature. Otherwise, I like it.
#10
Quote by Lemurs4mangos
How about
But I guess
All there is really left
To say to you
For All you have done
Is Thank you
For What I Have Become.


I like this I might use it...maybe Im not sure yet though
#11
Sorry, just didn't do it for me here.

Not that it's really bad, but just doesn't stand out as anything spectacular.

Just not powerful enough to me move me.

Have a nice day.
#13
Overall it's common place. Like something you'd find on a "For Grandma" card, you know? Simple and sweet. It's emotion here and nothing more. There are plenty of literary techniques to spice it up, but I'm probably not the best person to talk about them since I'm not schooled in they're usage...
#15
I can see the point made about the "Hallmark" type nature of it.

I think the first 4 lines are good and don't sound "Hallmarkish" at all. Get rid of the "today" in

"showed me the way
and made me who I am today"

The rhyme is too simple and childish. It's obvious already without adding "today".

My advice: don't change the first 4 or 5 lines - the rest definatley is cliched though. By the way, glad that you have found a way to channel some real emotion constructively and not completely breakdown over what anyone would regard as a terrible event in your life. Kudos.

Keep at it.