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#1
Tell your most horrific experiences, sights and smells of public restrooms!

Last week I went to Manly (Sydney; and yes we have all heard the jokes about the area being extra manly) for a little kayaking trip with friends. I came in jeans so I wanted to change into my boardshorts, so I went to this underground carpark level toilet. 'Time to change,' I thought to myself.

So I selected a cubicle in the middle of the row, and decided it would be nice. But as soon as I pushed the door open, it was clear that someone's ass cannon had misfired. A nice consistent brown coating was all over the back of the toilet, with some splatter from other shrapnel. Nope, I would not change in that one.

So I went over to the left, a couple of cubicles down and pushed open the door. Cautiously looking inside, I noticed everything to be dandy. 'Yes!' I cheered to myself. But then as I moved to close the door, I suddenly discovered that again, someone had misfired. But all over the back of the door.

If I could find the answer to one major question in life, I wouldn't ask about the meaning of life. I would ask, "How the HELL does someone crap like that?!"


Edit: Originally just about public toilets, but hell, why not go all out and tell about all your toilet mishaps?

1. In Kindy playing a game, needed to pee but the teacher wouldn't let me. I peed myself standing there and left wet footprints on the carpet. The teacher asked who did it, and let's just say no one ever found out.

2. Pissed myself again in kindy. After it dried, I went to after school care. My sister said, "... did you piss yourself?" and being the carefree child I was, I replied, "Yeah, but it's all dry now." I went off to play.

3. At home, really had to chuck a crap badly. I crapped myself just before I reached the toilet. I remember my dad rolling the crap out of my undies.
Last edited by Chrois at Jan 22, 2009,
#2
Pretty much sums up Manly to me...
Gear:
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AND...
-amps for BOTH of them!!

(who cares?)
#3
A famous pop star tried to glory hole me
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¨°º¤ø„¸¸„ø¤º°¨
#5
Quote by Bendybaws
A famous pop star tried to glory hole me




I remember going into the ones on the Spot in Derby.

Opened a cubicle to see a bowl covered in red and brown juices, emanating a freaking horrendous stench.

I had to vomit in the sinks.

Quote by GLP_Arclite
Pooping is well good though, to be fair.


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I'm losing my grip, 'cos I'm losing my fingers.
#6
I once went in to a public restroom and George Michael approached me for sex. True Story.
#7
that story gives a new meaning to the Bullet For My Valentine song "Scream, Aim, Fire" lol
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#8
Went into one restroom and found this reeking brown-red stuff all over the toilet bowl, then found that someone had been sick all over the sinks too.

ಠ_ಠ

wat

#9
at a dance party at either rod laver arena or vodafone arena, i can't remember which, i needed to use the bathroom. so i went in and found a cubicle, but when i opened the door i noticed a perfectly formed turd sitting directly under the dividing wall between the cubicle i had selected and the adjoining cubicle. not only was it directly under the separating wall, it was also towards the back of the cubicle, next to the toilet itself. how someone managed to take a neat little shit in such an awkward place, i will never know.

btw this was in the female toilets and at was at the very beginning of the night before most people would be drunk/trashed. i just don't understand how it was possible! and it was a real turd, trust me.
from daylight...
...into darkness
#10
Quote by metacarpi


I remember going into the ones on the Spot in Derby.

Opened a cubicle to see a bowl covered in red and brown juices, emanating a freaking horrendous stench.

I had to vomit in the sinks.



Damn you
I was drinking hot chocolate
#11
Quote by Riisman
Damn you
I was drinking hot chocolate


Stop laughing at my suffering!

I still wake up screaming...

Quote by GLP_Arclite
Pooping is well good though, to be fair.


I've got a handle on the fiction.

I'm losing my grip, 'cos I'm losing my fingers.
#12
I work at a store over here in Hamilton called Giant Tiger, and I have to open the washroom for customers and check to see if it's clean every hour.

So they call me to let a little boy into the bathroom, so I push in the code for the lock, and let him in. The light usually turns on automatically but it didn't this time, so the kid asks me "Where's the light."

As I show him where the light is I see his hand fly to his mouth and vomit starting to pour from the sides of his hands. Needless to say, I vamoosed to the back of the store and chilled there for a good half hour. I asked all the older employees what to do, but all they could say was "Ew."

Dear god, I had to clean this shit. There was a gigantic puddle of vomit on the floor, and even for me, I had to cringe at the smell. I fucking hate public restrooms.

Crazy shit always happens to me at work...
#13
Quote by Hakanku
I once went in to a public restroom and George Michael approached me for sex. True Story.


lol.
#14
Oh yeah, apparently my sister was almost molested when she was little.

The story goes that my mum went to the puclic toilets, and went into the cubicle but locked my sister out so she could do her business. And when she came out, she saw this weird man going to touch my sis, so she's like, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"

The man said, "Uh... what's the time?"
#15
when i was in school i was taking a piss and in the urinal there was a used tampon covered in feces and blood. I just dont want to think about which way round it was used, and why was it in the guy toilet.
#16
Going into three seperate festival toilets, one after the other trying to find a clean one, because each one had a foot-high pyramid of sh1t coming out of it. Seriously, someone must have squatted over that, repeatedly...
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#17
I was in Montreal, and my friends and I were out walking around roundabouts 2:30 AM or so. We were all a little bit hammered, and trying to find a bar that was still open. My friends Cole and Venetia both really had to go to the bathroom, so we decided to stop at a McDonalds.

We went inside, and Cole and I walked over to the bathroom. He pushed the door open, and we looked inside to realize that someone had vomited into a urinal, with spatter all around the urinal on the wall and on most of the whole bathroom floor. To add to the mess was a homeless guy standing at the other urinal who turned and waved to us when we opened the door.

"Okay, fuck that," Cole said, "I don't need to go THAT bad." So we ventured up to the counter, and I tried to get a McFlurry. However they didn't have any ice cream, which was ridiculous because that was really the only thing that I wanted.

Finally Cole decided that he couldn't hold it any longer, and went into the bathroom. He came out, and I asked him how it was. "Man, I used the stall... It wasn't horrible."
signatures are budget.
#18
I was in a cubicle in a public toilet near me, having a piss when somebody shoved their **** through a hole drilled in to the wall at the side of me.

After the initial shock I thought it would be funny to punch downwards pretty much as hard as I could, the noise that came from the next cubicle was quite possibly one of the funniest things I have ever heared, which also alerted the toilet attendant guy, who called the police. Unfortunately this also led to me being arrested for abh and put in the cells for an hour, luckily the police didn't charge me, although the interview was a bit of a weird experience, didn't think the police were meant to take breaks every few minutes because they couldn't stop laughing.

Apparently the guy had form for doing it and I think he ended up with a prison sentence for braeching an order banning him from that area.
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#19
Quote by faultyy
I was in a cubicle in a public toilet near me, having a piss when somebody shoved their **** through a hole drilled in to the wall at the side of me.

After the initial shock I thought it would be funny to punch downwards pretty much as hard as I could, the noise that came from the next cubicle was quite possibly one of the funniest things I have ever heared, which also alerted the toilet attendant guy, who called the police. Unfortunately this also led to me being arrested for abh and put in the cells for an hour, luckily the police didn't charge me, although the interview was a bit of a weird experience, didn't think the police were meant to take breaks every few minutes because they couldn't stop laughing.

Apparently the guy had form for doing it and I think he ended up with a prison sentence for braeching an order banning him from that area.

That is quite possibly one of the funniest things I have heard on UG. Congratulations.
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Quote by angus fan16
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#20
I went to the bathroom as someone decided to piss on the floor.

I was in the stall since the urinals were taken, he tried to get my feet in it. Then he ran out like a bitch.

I ****ing hate people.
#21
Quote by Chrois
Tell your most horrific experiences, sights and smells of public restrooms!

Last week I went to Manly (Sydney; and yes we have all heard the jokes about the area being extra manly) for a little kayaking trip with friends. I came in jeans so I wanted to change into my boardshorts, so I went to this underground carpark level toilet. 'Time to change,' I thought to myself.

So I selected a cubicle in the middle of the row, and decided it would be nice. But as soon as I pushed the door open, it was clear that someone's ass cannon had misfired. A nice consistent brown coating was all over the back of the toilet, with some splatter from other shrapnel. Nope, I would not change in that one.

So I went over to the left, a couple of cubicles down and pushed open the door. Cautiously looking inside, I noticed everything to be dandy. 'Yes!' I cheered to myself. But then as I moved to close the door, I suddenly discovered that again, someone had misfired. But all over the back of the door.

If I could find the answer to one major question in life, I wouldn't ask about the meaning of life. I would ask, "How the HELL does someone crap like that?!"

....
#23
I was in the bathroom of a ice skating rink effectively loitering with some friends and this guy came in. He goes into one stall and we hear, "OH THE SAVAGES!" He comes out, we look in, there is a horrid mess. He goes into the next stall and we hear, "FUCK THEM THE BARBARIANS!" He comes out and asks, "Did you do this?!"
#24
Anyone ever been to Ozzfest?

That is all that came to mind when I saw this thread title.

Horrible.
What can we do with a canoe that will make people say, "Oh No, What's Wrong With Them?"
#25
I just remember crap, EVERYWHERE, not just confined to one cubicle, hell no, it was like someone had shat in a paint can and decided to decorate the fucking toilets with it.

No jokes, it was on the walls, the ceiling, all the cubicles, bits on the floor, the mirrors were covered in it too... Well I say covered, one of them... One of them had what looked like finger marks where someone had scraped the crap away.
#27
Quote by Hakanku
I once went in to a public restroom and George Michael approached me for sex. True Story.

Sigged
Quote by Hakanku
I once went in to a public restroom and George Michael approached me for sex. True Story.
#28
He who writes on shit house walls,

Must roll their shit into little balls.

And when they are dont they must eat the shit.


This is dedicated to my grandfather who unfortunately passed away recently.

Im not sure why, but for some reason he randomly told me this story about when he was a boy and liked to read the grafitti on the walls in public restrooms and saw that lovely poem.
Last edited by aaronob at Jan 21, 2009,
#29
Quote by Thepoison92
....


F***! HA. You know I saw that after I posted, and thought, "Nah, I don't need to change it. Nothing will happen."
#30
Thankfully, I've only ever had to use a men's toilet once or twice, but women's toilets aren't usually too bad. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who can't seem to control their boozing and puke all over the place. I hate people like that.

Fair enough, if you gotta barf, you gotta barf - but please aim it all in one direction until you're actually done. I can't believe people, probably some 20-30 years older than me still vomit all over the place like a retarded child.

I've also experienced the whole 'let's wipe our crap all over the cubicles' thing. Toilets in my town were popular with trannies looking for a good time too.
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#31
Went to a public stall and there was a huge turtle on the seat no not a chocolate turtle a actual funking turtle. I was shocked and appalled and i got the **** out of that restaurant.
#32
Not a public restroom, but still sick nonetheless.

Last year at high school, some sick bastard had smeared crap all over every toilet seat, on the walls, smashed the mirrors, pissed in the drink taps and the sinks, ugh, it was dreadful
#33
Forget the stories for a second... What I'd like to know is, who the fuck nicks the locks on the toilet?!

What on earth do they need all these locks for?

Secondly: Why can't anyone actually get piss in the toilet, rather then all over the floor?
#34
Quote by Blast For Satan

Secondly: Why can't anyone actually get piss in the toilet, rather then all over the floor?


You ever try pissing in the bowl with a boner?
Quote by Zombee
I also **** in my moms bathroom once as a kid, but I realized that I wanted to poop in the other bathroom. so I scooped my poop out of the toilet and tried relaying to the other toilet.
#35
One time, I went into a toilet cubicle, and sat cross legged on top of the seat for about an hour, with one of those bottles of bubble liquid that you get at weddings sometimes, and whenever someone took a **** I would blow bubbles over the divider, just to see what they did. most of them didn't dissapoint .
I think we took too many drugs when we were kids,
'cause now we like to make
Weird Music
-Wayne Coyne
#36
True story, I crapped all over the floor at a local Denny's. Twice, once in separate stalls. Completely ruined a decent set of undies and pretty sure that a dude that I went to high school with was the custodian there. worst part was it was valentines day and I made my girlfriend wait in the car while I ran into Denny's on the way home. Pretty embarrassing and understand, this was no act of vandalism, I just lost all control over my ****door. There, now you know.
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#37
Ok this one time me and my friends were at a starbucks and my friend had to piss so he went into the bathroom and when he opened the door there was some old guy washing his genitals in the sink....needless to say my friends turned around and ran away gaggin with us laughing our asses off at his misfortune..what are friends for? lol.

Then another time my other friend went to rake a piss and as he was going some kid walked up to the urinal beside him and started pissing then turned to my friends and said "you have a hot girlfriend...how do i ask someone out?" i mean the kid didnt even take one of the empty six urinals he took the one right beside him...so my friend turned pissed on the kids shoe and washed his hands and left lol...it was epic..
#38
Quote by HanTheMan
You ever try pissing in the bowl with a boner?



Yeah, it effectively turns your johnson into a shotgun of urine. Bad deal for the toilet...
"Love doesn't exist and I'm not picking on love, because I don't think friendship exists either"


GEAR:
Caparison PLM-3
ESP/LTD Viper 400
Gretch A/E G3700
Soldano SLO 50w clone
#39
my plunger at my apartment broke, the rubber part ripped and wouldn't plunge. i knew i had to take the dump of a lifetime and there was no way i could do at my place with no plunger. so i drove to the grocery store, took the dump of a life time, left it there, and drove home happy and cleaned out.
#40
Quote by Trefellin
I was in the bathroom of a ice skating rink effectively loitering with some friends and this guy came in. He goes into one stall and we hear, "OH THE SAVAGES!" He comes out, we look in, there is a horrid mess. He goes into the next stall and we hear, "FUCK THEM THE BARBARIANS!" He comes out and asks, "Did you do this?!"


That reminds me of Anchorman. "KNIGHTS OF COLUMBUS!!"
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