#1
hey guys, I've been a member here for a while but have hardly posted, I've got some more free time now and want to share this piece I wrote earlier in the day during Art class. I didn't go out of my way to be totally weird with this piece of writing, nor do I usually write in this style. I just felt I needed to let my brain flow... This is my first post so please don't be too brutal with it, comments/insights are much appreciated and so is constructive criticism. I really want to improve my writing so passing on any ideas would be very cool as well. I'll try and get posting more on here in the coming months so maybe you'll hear from me soon.

Time really stops, you know?
I swear I've been laying on this bed for hours
now, nowhere
Mind was/still is, practically blank

One thought getting knocked out by the next
"I'm a banana" it said
Before being shot down by the dude
With a sad face

But I guess it was pretty funny
Every cloud has a silver lining
And Mr. Banana is dead
But I had a good laugh
Which relieved me of my current predicament
Whatever that may be
But that's YouTube for you

Now the music is playing
And I'm listening
Maybe 20 minutes here, 30 over there
An hour for my travels, and 4 for my troubles

But it was always White Noise
I didn't understand, but neither did Michael Keaton
But it worked out for him
And I'm listening now

I can't wait to be immersed in this Golden Light
I feel warm inside just thinking about it
Until I realize that I'm not just thinking
I'm feeling

Thank You
#2
Kinda reminds me of that Bubbley Toes song by someone whos name i forgot.
it would work. i wouldnt listen to it, because thats way outta my genre. but theres tons o' people who would. Keep it up bro


C4C Me?
Hey!Everyone!
Come and See how good I look!



You Stay Classy, Ultimate Guitar
#3
hehe, thanks for the post dude, I agree that I would never listen to this as it's too weird, just needed to let some ideas out... send me any links and I'll try to crit some of your pieces.
#4
I can't offer anything in the way of suggestions but I have to say, I really liked this. There is not a line that I would change.
#5
To: Regression
Thanks for the kind words, happy that you enjoyed it hopefully I can do better next though, thanks again