#1
dunno how good these are. the tune is quite catchy
It's about someone who's scared of someone else
C4C leave link..

Never before, never again

Open locks without a key
Guard my deepest thoughts
Tossed around like paper in the wind
A beating heart
And breathing lungs,
Best forgotten
Torn apart,
Sent running into the darkest corners

I'm dreading what you'll say,
Dreading what you'll do
Hoping that it all swings back to you
Every time you say,
"I'm gonna see it through"
My heart stops beating
My hands start shaking
No, never seen a look like broken glass
No, never before, never again

Cigarettes and ecstasy,
Time spent in on the run
A match made in heaven?
It worked out for me
No one said fair play was needed,
Just made up rules to stay undefeated
It’s not like you’ve lived an angel’s life

[Chorus]

No, never seen a look
No, never before, never again
No, never seen a look like broken glass
No, never before, never again

[Chorus]
My current acoustic group:

Fiftieth Parallel

Martin Guitars
Elixer Strings
Acoustic amplification
BOSS pedals

#2
Hi,

The problem with this is its just boring and standard. Try expanding your techniques. Look for images, throw in some metaphors and whatnot. Write something that doesn't fall into the category of standard cliche lines. I mean, this song is the same song that I can hear on teh radio from a lot of different bands. You need to look for original ideas, or at least a way to express conventional ideas in a less standard way.

I'd suggest you try writing about things that are more personal; like the tree you fell out of when you were a kid... or your favorite pet or something like that... the big and standard ideas like this require a lot of technique and literary control to pull off without coming off as a cliche and frankly, boring.



If you have any questions feel free to PM me.

-zC