#1
Flamingos

You like these pink flamingos,
And so I'll tell you now.
The story of their pinkness,
And then I'll tell you how.

Now blue were these flamingos,
When all of this began.
But they did not suit blueness,
The colour only ran.

Then green were these flamingos,
For it was worth a try.
But they did not suit greeness,
When it was time to fly.

So black were these flamingos,
And darker every night.
But they did not suit blackness,
It made them want to fight.

Now pink are these flamingos,
And happy as can be.
So if pink is your colour,
Make sure to set it free.
#3
sup

Quote by colohue
Flamingos

You like these pink flamingos,
And so I'll tell you now.
The story of their pinkness,
And then I'll tell you how.
why a full stop after line 2 ? so far I can't tell if I love it or hate it, let's carry on...

Now blue were these flamingos,
When all of this began.
But they did not suit blueness,
The colour only ran.
I'm unsure about the wording here. It's very simple and all, but "blueness" is a pretty ugly world imho. The rhyming I'm not too found of ; here's why. It seems like the last line does not add anything. We already know from the previous one that they weren't blue. Sure, the color ran, but the line seems to be there just for the sake of rhyming, not providing much information.

Then green were these flamingos,
For it was worth a try.
But they did not suit greeness,
When it was time to fly.

So black were these flamingos,
And darker every night.
But they did not suit blackness,
It made them want to fight.

Now pink are these flamingos,
And happy as can be.
So if pink is your colour,
Make sure to set it free.


I did not nitpick anything else, because well the structure is there and working. I didn't like "time to fly", "time to" being my main problem. Seems like you could work this differently while making it make more sense. I like the idea of association of colors. I can't say I'm a huge fan of this but it was, indeed, cute.

An interesting read to say the least. I'll keep an eye open for more of your stuff.