#1
So, I got pissed at the world the other day after some random incidents resulting in my being grounded for a while, and forced-sobriety for another couple months or so... So, yeah... First sober piece in a while! (C4C please?). It's supposed to be like... an acoustic/mellow song... if it helps at all. I think it's fairly good! Feel free to check out my other songs as well.

"I Just Don't"

Sometimes I lie,
But we can't all be truthful...
All the time.

Sometimes people ask me why,
Yet I can never really answer,
No matter how hard I try...

[Chorus]:
I guess I just don't care,
Your words don't mean anything to me,
I guess I just don't (no, I just don't)
I don't...care...
[End Chorus]

You've said you'd make life hell,
well, I ask, How far down can we go?
And the answer, you have yet... to tell.

I've heard that I'm selfish,
If I am,
then tell me how.


And Then you ask me why,
When I'm being hit with all this,
I'm "UNAFFECTED"?

[Chorus]:
I guess I just don't care,
Your lies don't mean anything to me,
I guess I just don't (no, I just don't)
I don't....care...
[End Chorus]

My whole life,
I've been told my effort,
Was never enough,
And everytime you lie,
I'm the one who draws the short straw,
You can get away with murder,
Yet I'm the one blamed,
You can get caught red-handed,
But it seems that,
I'm the one who's been framed.

[Chorus]:
But I just don't care!
You never meant anything to me,
I guess I just don't (No, I just don't...)
I just don't..

No, I just don't,

I just don't care...

(Whisper-ish talking) - And what's so bad about that?
Last edited by Patty-cakez at Apr 4, 2009,
#2
You've said you'd make life hell,
well, I ask, How far down can we go?
And the answer, you have yet... to tell.

Meh, that last line was anti-climactic.

I've heard that I'm selfish,
then tell me how,
When I need your help, You don't want me around?

This doesn't really do much for me. If they think your selfish, then of course they wouldn't help you. It just doesn't have that ring of truth, y'know?

And I didn't like the chorus. For one, the swearing seemed out of place, since you said it's a mellow song. And a chorus filled with "I don't care" isn't particularly imaginative.

Try and be careful of what descriptions you use, because some of it is cliche and been done to death (You can get away with murder, Yet I'm the one blamed). Overall, though, not bad.
#3
Quote by Ninjamonkey767
Meh, that last line was anti-climactic.


This doesn't really do much for me. If they think your selfish, then of course they wouldn't help you. It just doesn't have that ring of truth, y'know?

And I didn't like the chorus. For one, the swearing seemed out of place, since you said it's a mellow song. And a chorus filled with "I don't care" isn't particularly imaginative.

Try and be careful of what descriptions you use, because some of it is cliche and been done to death (You can get away with murder, Yet I'm the one blamed). Overall, though, not bad.


Yeah i thought the exact same thing lol... But it's hard to explain cuz i didn't have any resources around me to help with my word choice at 11 o' clock monday night lol. And i agree with that Getting Away With Murder being cliche and all... I'll attempt to find something to substitute it when I can!

Thanks :P
#4
I've heard that I'm selfish,
then tell me how,
When I need your help, You don't want me around?

And Then you ask me why,
When I'm being hit with all this,
I'm "UNAFFECTED"?


That's the only part I have a problem with.
It just doesn't seem to flow as well as the first verse.
Idk, maybe it's just me.

Other than that, I loved this song.
It's something I can really relate to as well.
Kudos! :P
#5
its decent, but change the swearing part, and i could see it getting turned into a agressive acoustic song, like shinedown, but when you have chords, or tabs, please let me know
#7
[quote="'Vicious [S7VN"]']I agree with GuitarN00b.
I want to hear this recorded too!
id rather have tabs before recording imo, i just wanna play it lol
#8
lol...

Well, If I can come up with some tabs, I'll send em to ya... but I'm stuck so far with this song. I'm tryin' to find something that'll sound good with these lyrics.
#11
I think the cursing detracts from the mellow feel. It should be "anything."
The verse after the chorus isn't good. The last line especially. It doesn't have to rhyme. It should just be "and the answer i then received is that you have yet to tell" (you can make that two lines )
The next verse, change the second line to: "If I am, please tell me how" because it flows and sounds better IMHO.
Next verse, I think you should change "why" into "how" because it makes more sense.
After the chorus, it should be: "I'm the one who is blamed."
And get rid of "but it seems that" and just put "but" on the next line. And get rid of "been." JMPO.
Also, get rid of FFS. Ruins the mellowness of the song.

Other than that,
#12
I think that you have written from the heart,it feels like that to me anyway,I can see see it as a solo guitar with you really meaning the feelings you have written.

It feels to me that you are expressing the confusion in life that we all feel deep inside when our wants from life fall into conflict with how life plods along yet understanding how your story affects others.

I am certainly (i cant even spell curtainly,sertainly well whatever)I really think that you have looked deep within yourself and written from the heart.(oooopsw i said that earlier)

Nice work keep it up.