#1
Here is a little background information on this, I just wrote it and I'm at work. I work at a homeless shelter and this song is inspired by a little boy and his abusive step father.

All the asterisks are F bombs, I normally don't use alot of foul language, but I'm pretty passionate about my stand.
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Your serpent tongue flickers behind, your teeth


How can I trust you? You wolf, fake sheep


Too nice to be true, your smile feels cheap


Oh yea,


You're playing a game in which you hold the cards


But. sit. the. ****. down.

And explain these scars


Why does he cry when you come around, DAD?
Tell me son, does it hurt that BAD?
What happens if we flip it around?
Now how will it sound? 3 feet from the ground?
When he says YOU slipped, on the floor, so WET.
Listen how his voice, oozes reGRET.


Now I've heard your story, I know your past


But that doesn't give me, the cold hard facts


It doesn't add up, and I have to ask


That's right,


I'm on to you, I got your back to the wall


But. shut. the. ****. up

And explain again, the fall


One little trip bruised his face up, RIGHT?
Bad dreams make him cry help every NIGHT!
I know the boogeyman is real.
I can't imagine how he feels, But I can promise.

I will make you squeal.

[Heavy Stuff]


Now remember every hair you harmed on his head
Everytime you said "I wish that faggot was dead"
How you used to pinch him, when no one was around
And how you feigned so innocent, when bruises were found
Just think back, and remember his face
Just sit down, and go out with some grace

An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth
When you're this wicked
There is no excuse

An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth
Some deserve to be blind, and you're living proof
You had to see this coming, so don't ****ing cry
I'm taking my time to watch you suffer, before you die
Just think back, man that summer was a scorcher
Try to block it out, but you can't escape this torture

An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth
When you're this wicked
There is no excuse

No ****ing excuse.
#2
Wow, dude... honestly, that was great. I could feel the passion behind it, and It's moving. I've volunteered at a couple homeless shelters and when you hear some of these peoples' stories, It's saddening...and I felt a lot of that same emotion behind this work. Those last couple lines are AWESOME.

I love it
Keep writing!
#4
Quote by LordTolly
Cool, thanks, I'll look over some of your stuff later and see if I can offer up anything to help.


Why thank you :P

I'll be glad to crit some of your stuff if you'd like me to as well! (assuming you have more stuff )
#5
You're playing a game in which you hold the cards


Terrible, terrible cliché


But. sit. the. ****. down.

And explain these scars

Now luckily you followed up with such an excellent line, this line really saved you from one bad verse/phrase.

Everything is great, passionate and heartfelt.
a little lost.....