#1
i'm awake
but i'm not hear
funny how your mind wanders
when its soaked in fear

check your surroundings
for topics unusal
being this observant
it will be crucial

chorus: its 6 am and it's dark
as i look to the stars
it all seems so far
it all seems so far


yeah thats all i got
~gtrfrk


founder of the dunlop pick fan club


RIP Roger "Syd" Barrett


"Let the good times roll"
#2
That is actually quite good. It would definately work better for a song, as the words are more basic and rhyming, rather than more poem structured. You mispelt "here" btw lol.

I think that the 2 verses seem to differ a little from meaning. The first being that your mind keeps wandering, the second that you have to be very observant and concentrating. Was that how it was meant to come across?

Check mine out if you would like.

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1051878

EDIT: I was just reading over your words again. The outline seems to be to do with talking to a crush? I remember feeling that when I was scared to talk to girls, my mind would wander, and I would just think of things as if they weren't even there. Then I would look around for topics, any unusual or normal topics to talk about, and I always had trouble with it.

Am I close?


Quote by Våd Hamster
Find a dice and assign a number to each girl. Throw the dice.


The number you hope for at the moment you throw the dice, is the one you'll want to keep.
Last edited by thanksgiving at Jan 22, 2009,
#3
^He pointed out how the two verses differ and that is an excellent point. You had a general idea going then it shifted and it really doesn't seem to work.
Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who...
Quote by Necrophagist777
I'm ORION, LORD OF EVIL, give me your soul and breathe in my darkness.

YOU WILL NOT ENJOY THIS......
╭∩╮( º.º )╭∩╮
#4
Quote by 0RI0N
^He pointed out how the two verses differ and that is an excellent point. You had a general idea going then it shifted and it really doesn't seem to work.


See my EDIT and tell me if you agree.


Quote by Våd Hamster
Find a dice and assign a number to each girl. Throw the dice.


The number you hope for at the moment you throw the dice, is the one you'll want to keep.