#1
i was goin for sort of a midpoint between punk and hardcore so i wrote this, it seemed sorta old school punk when i was writing it but it doesn't so much now. i'm not too gd at writing i wrote this wen i was in my first band but i got kicked out and now i'm just writing (p.s i'm only 14)


Verse 1
Scream your disgust at me
Don’t mean I have to take it,
If you don’t like me
Don’t complain ‘cause I’m not changing,
I never meant to sink so low
As to ask you,
‘cause I know your view on life
Is tragically askew
Chorus
Mr. Right won’t come on his own,
You have to look for him to give him a home,
You’re always fixed on being romantic,
Well all this crap is making me sick
Verse 2
Open your legs and say that
You aren’t a *****,
Well close them up
I’m here to settle a score,
Don’t publish pics so
Men you don’t know can see them,
‘Cause they can be
Some kind of sick politician <---- worst line in song to me but who cares
Chorus X 2
Verse 3
I saw the video
You left on the table,
Now you want me to feel
It’s left me unable,
You didn’t hold back
You were screaming his name,
NOW IT IS CLEAR TO ME
YOU THINK IT’S A GAME,
Chorus X 2 (after guitar solo)


p.s. just in case © ben allen
Last edited by lolometer1 at Jan 28, 2009,
#2
WTF sick politicians is awesome.
I personally don't like songs that rhyme...
this is an execption. Well done.
I'm 15. You should check out my post,
Shoot For the Stars Because You Might Put a Crater in the Moon
#3
dude, that's awesome! and I did enjoy the sick politician thing.

Like the opening lines, too.'
I suck at criting songs that I like. I all I can do is praise them.
Quote by denfilade
For a moment I thought velcro shoes were ones with the whole bottom made of velcro

She could walk up your pubes with those

Quote by kannon
this post has aids
Quote by NinjaSlayHuman
and 07'ers will always be well-respected members of UG society.
#4
Don’t mean I have to take it,
If you don’t like me
Don’t complain ‘cause I’m not changing

I dislike the repetition of "don't" here. Neither the word itself nor the context warrants repetition of it.

Well all this crap is making me sick
Some kind of sick politician

Same with sick in these two lines, although it seems accidental here.

Don’t publish pics so

"pics", in my opinion, is a disgusting word; bastardized by the internet. However, I think "picture(s)" and "photograph(s)" are brilliant.

Now you want me to feel

Drop "now", as the previous two lines are in past tense.


This sounds like it would make a good song, and despite my general dislike to rhymes, I thought this was a particularly good effort.
(I'm fourteen too!)

C4C? Endorphin.