#1
Heres something I've been working on for a day or so. I haven't much of a poetic background or anything and this is my first real attempt at lyrics, so I'd appreciate some constructive criticism. It might kinda cheesy, I don't know.

Also, it's black metal, so it may not be your thing. Your still entitled to post your opinion if you want.

Thanks, ASM <3.

P.S.- Not posting the topic of this work because it's more fun this way ^_^.

VERSE 1

Life quickly seeps through my fingers
Grasping; struggling to coexist
Excluded; forsaken
Welcoming my miserable fate

CHORUS

Devoid of spirit
Subdued to flesh
My soul drains away
Denied of life
Dusk conquers my thoughts
I can never endure a day
My dwelling from
which I've fed so long
Has now become my grave 
Devoid of spirit
Subdued to flesh
My soul drains away

VERSE 2

Why have I been refused, restrained 
From the luminosity?
Enchanting warmth, it was so close 
Ever enticing me
My wish to subsist
Has now become a dream;
Forgotten along with my thoughts
As darkness fills me

CHORUS

Devoid of spirit
Subdued to flesh
My soul drains away
Denied of life
Dusk conquers my thoughts
I can never endure a day
My dwelling from
which I've fed so long
Has now become my grave 
Devoid of spirit
Subdued to flesh
My soul drains away

VERSE 3/BREAK TYPE-THING

Lustrous nothing
Exposes itself
Growing ablaze in my soul
Void of memories
Free from all thoughts
Nothing to be foretold

CHORUS

Devoid of spirit
Subdued to flesh
My soul drains away
Denied of life
Dusk conquers my thoughts
I can never endure a day
My dwelling from
which I've fed so long
Has now become my grave 
Denied of life
Devoid of spirit
I now pass away


I've left out any unnecessary sections of the song that do not have vocals.
We can only guffaw at all the humbug we are told about martyrs.
#2
i like it... kinda reminds me of black dahlia a little bit
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