#1
I swear I tasted insanity tonight.

Lust.Friday, January 22, 2009

I swear I heard the spit freeze in the air
fizzlecrack
again fizzlepop, when
hand is alien
and human simultaneous
and brain is coldhot
I was afraid
when I followed snow footprints
to wherever
they led me here
sit feel now

I see tile nine by
nine black and green
gray stucco floor
a radiator how beautiful
the symphony, the ripple
break zap

the finger, unsure of the body,
crinkles the garbage liner
wonderfully black halfway
covered by the can

the eyes try to count
the stacks of paper
towel
rusty sink, factories
in Chicago, smoke
stacks, furnaces
Appalacian water

Pewter soap dispenser
outlet has six holes
two are for grounding.
a flush far away
another nation
is watching
will save me
put my head back in
my head, mirror
looks disheveled, shy,
the light is torture
the night is there
just one slip through
the window
paper on a roll
shielded by more Pewter
and the symphony still
crinkle
a hole in the tile
the finger, curious,
is probing the air
the air asks if it
is safe

the head looks up
the fire alarm
fire alarm
Fire Alarm wires
in the tile white
ceiling
I only see four
screws hold the
room together
I can feel my chromazones
mutate
and shatter like the
Great Baikal Lake

in the summer the brain
dream of the winter
in the winter the brain
dream of the summer
in the radiator,
roaches scurry
waterbugs maybe
in the toilet water
I lean closer and
see piss and my
stomach bits

smooth
rock
grandma
rust and water
rhythm of silence
head shatter too fast
we, room, know cold,
and know you, sounds
loud, thuds, splatters
plastic, metal, tile, paper

Electricity

tear, smaller ceiling
light sensor can't
sense me
night watchman misses
me
radiator
ecolocation, my
skin
I feel diverge
contract like
Adam into God
and God into Adam
crazedorjustunwell
howunwellisnormal
hownormalisunwell
wherewordslive+die
where mouths move and hear
just music
where the teeth bite down on an
abandoned piece of girls denim to keep sanity
and the radiator symphony
is the closest thing my body
have here to humanity

moans, screams,
my own or someone elses
my mouth, other voice
other touch,
take me home baby
take me home, crazy
that trashcan secrets,
crinkles, dear life
people at the door
no!
This is mine
I am silent.
No! this is where
I call Maura to help
me, all alone, that
girl is saint, is not martyr,
is as much close
God I need, please
save I say, play guitar,
phone click
the tile is bigger?
I don't like rust
I don't rust
I--

rust. the waterbug
dirge. they crush
us in fear
I can't control or
feel
hands
head
help

I lean closer, radiator?
silent.
water? no.
trashbag mute still
spit out the
window, I swear I heard
cracklehiss

mirror knew
what mirror knew
what Adam knew what
God knew was
symphony and freedom.
save
me.
#2
Very psychedelic, almost like an acid trip.

very dramatic use of endstops, gives it taht cafe-poetry feeling with more passion

very well done
Quote by TunerAddict,mdawg24
+Infinity

Listen to ExtremeMetalFTW, he knows what he is talking about...

Quote by vmanoman
I clicked System Restore and it said "System Restore Is Unable To Protect You".

^^SO KVLT!!
#5
God damn it, you're making me feel even worse about my ineptitude (real or imagined) in writing. How the hell do you come up with this stuff?
#7
Very psychedelic, almost like an acid trip.

QFT

And I love the text's... eeriness. It's chaos, originality and for me it's just screaming 'Acid!'... Or prescription medicine ^^
#8
I wish you had done more with this. You could cut out at least half of it and it would be just as effective as it is now.
I owe a ton of people critiques.

If you're one of them, please PM me.

I have trouble keeping track.
#9
Quote by Fly, Marlowe
I wish you had done more with this. You could cut out at least half of it and it would be just as effective as it is now.



This. Exactly. You rambled far too much; and really abandoned what good you had to float in a sea and (eventually) be drowned by mediocrity.
#11
Quote by ZanasCross
This. Exactly. You rambled far too much; and really abandoned what good you had to float in a sea and (eventually) be drowned by mediocrity.


no. I wrote this in my notebook as a single piece. I posted it verbatim. It will be edited sure, but I need you guys to specifically and constructively tell me where and when. I don't need to be told I'm drowning in a sea of mediocrity, but rather where I can rise above that and how.

thank you all for reading though
#12
I couldn't help but read this like Fitter Happier by Radiohead.

I'll have to read this a few more times before I have anything that's actually worth saying to say.