#1
Excuse me as I get acquainted with this piece of string. Why should I interact with you, or anyone else for that matter? All you people make me feel so apprehensive. Your expectations make me feel so anxious. This colorful spindle of thread however makes me feel more at home. alone. by the fire. This is where my mind is free from the clutches of influence.

My thoughts are like snowballs in this magical place. They start off as just an intricate flake, but as my mind rolls on, the flake meets more flakes, and the snowball expands. But what if we are the snowflakes? All entwined, welcoming thousands of new snowflakes every day to this winter wonderland. Are we all just tiny flurries of thought, created in the mind of God? The universe itself existing only in God’s head? Maybe God is just a thought from something bigger.

Ah, I could ramble like this for hours. The point is, I don’t need you dirtying up my snow. Then again, I suppose everyone’s thoughts are just as clean to them as mine are to me. The vagabond’s perception may be temporarily obscured, but in the end, we all seem to put our puzzle together. I simply can’t begin to fathom the views of some. Violence, intolerance, hate, cruelty. Some people think these as RIGHT.

I am dumbstruck. Perhaps this is simply the power of influence. More then likely, this is the result of a corrupted heart. So where should I turn in this world of free thinkers and free speakers? Should I step outside of my comfort zone and hope some light is shed upon me? Is it worth the risk of corruption of the mind and heart?

To put it simply, I don’t know.
For now, I’ll just play with my string.
#3
Quote by IcePh0enix
Excuse me as I get acquainted with this piece of string. Why should I interact with you, or anyone else for that matter? All you people make me feel so apprehensive. Your expectations make me feel so anxious. This colorful spindle of thread however makes me feel more at home. alone. by the fire. This is where my mind is free from the clutches of influence.

My thoughts are like snowballs in this magical place. They start off as just an intricate flake, but as my mind rolls on, the flake meets more flakes, and the snowball expands. But what if we are the snowflakes? All entwined, welcoming thousands of new snowflakes every day to this winter wonderland. Are we all just tiny flurries of thought, created in the mind of God? The universe itself existing only in God’s head? Maybe God is just a thought from something bigger.

Ah, I could ramble like this for hours. The point is, I don’t need you dirtying up my snow. Then again, I suppose everyone’s thoughts are just as clean to them as mine are to me. The vagabond’s perception may be temporarily obscured, but in the end, we all seem to put our puzzle together. I simply can’t begin to fathom the views of some. Violence, intolerance, hate, cruelty. Some people think these as RIGHT.

I am dumbstruck. Perhaps this is simply the power of influence. More then likely, this is the result of a corrupted heart. So where should I turn in this world of free thinkers and free speakers? Should I step outside of my comfort zone and hope some light is shed upon me? Is it worth the risk of corruption of the mind and heart?

To put it simply, I don’t know.
For now, I’ll just play with my string.



I love the first two stanzas, so much. The latter half begins to feel like a rant, but it still fits the mood. There weren't any grammatical errors I could see; no awkward phrasings. It's just the third stanza I'm still iffy about. There's nothing wrong with it though, it's just not my personal taste. I'm sorry I can't offer any more advice than that, but that's all I've got, haha.

I agree completely with what you've written, though. I liked it overall!
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#4
Thanks for your opinion .

I guess in the second stanza, I wanted it to seem like my mind is just kind of wandering, and then in the third stanza it snaps back to reality to make a point. I can understand what you mean though.