#1
Uh yeah,
I'm a mess and i got played,
That young no chance of getting paid,
Damn those girls do it to me every time.

*Chorus* I watch and don't learn,
I look and still fall,
I cross the line,
and fall off the bridge.

Uh yeah, what do i say now,
when your running across town,
pathetic from the outside,
unpredicatable moves linger among,
Well, uh..what do i do now.

Take my advice and don't go,
Past that line with age,
Your locked up in that cage,
And it'll be the death of me
#2
Quote by Writer_
Uh yeah,
I'm a mess and i got played,
That young no chance of getting paid,
Damn those girls do it to me every time.

Nice rhyme, last line I can't quite grasp the flow, work on it a little bit

*Chorus* I watch and don't learn,
I look and still fall,
I cross the line,
and fall off the bridge.

Chorus' are supposed to be catchy, this isn't particularly gripping...A rhyme in it might help this out, idea behind it seems good.

Uh yeah, what do i say now,
when your running across town,
pathetic from the outside,
unpredicatable moves linger among,
Well, uh..what do i do now.

You can take out the interjectory, or last line....put uh yeah separate from the rest of the verse and flow would be a bit better....

Take my advice and don't go,
Past that line with age,
Your locked up in that cage,
And it'll be the death of me

not bad, there needs to be another syllable in the second line to ease the flow...



Overall, it's not bad....I'm not a big fan of alternative rock but it's waaaaaay better than rap. Needs a little bit of work in the places I pointed out....If you have any sound bites of it, that would be great and I would get an Idea of flow....Songs are the hardest thing to critique since flow is a bit more complicated....
Vivamus mea Lesbia, atque amemus,
rumoresque senum seueriorum
omnes unius aestimemus assis!