#1
...

It paved the way for us to live,
To think, to ask, to live within.
In this machine that holds us captive,
We find solace too great to forfeit.
Through this fire, ash, and smoke,
As I alone am to find,
Tat tvam asi.
Tat tvam asi.

For itself it is, for myself am I,
the clearest window through which you can peek.
Rejoice the leaf that sprouts anew,
The one that falls and dissolves.
The one that speaks in shades of green.
The one that makes the air I breathe.
The one to wake before my dawn.
The one to sleep past my dusk.
For itself it is, for myself am I,
As it is mine, as I am thine.

A foggy path midst dampened foliage,
I tread 'neath clouded skies.
A cheerful mist greets my pace,
As would a bright sunrise.
To think these walls a greater place,
To think of me queer?
To damn this grandess to nothingness,
To think of me lost?
You are the damned.
You are the lost...
Quote by denizenz
I'll logic you right in the thyroid.

Art & Lutherie
#2
Quote by darkstar2466
...

It paved the way for us to live,
To think, to ask, to live within.
In this machine that holds us captive,
We find solace too great to forfeit.
Through this fire, ash, and smoke,
As I alone am to find,
Tat tvam asi.
Tat tvam asi.

For itself it is, for myself am I,
the clearest window through which you can peek.
Rejoice the leaf that sprouts anew,
The one that falls and dissolves.
The one that speaks in shades of green.
The one that makes the air I breathe.
The one to wake before my dawn.
The one to sleep past my dusk.
For itself it is, for myself am I,
As it is mine, as I am thine.

A foggy path midst dampened foliage,
I tread 'neath clouded skies.
A cheerful mist greets my pace,
As would a bright sunrise.
To think these walls a greater place,
To think of me queer?
To damn this grandess to nothingness,
To think of me lost?
You are the damned.
You are the lost...



Was this piece influenced in anyway by Cynic?
I loved the second stanza. The repetition was actually used tastefully, something I can never do, heh.

There were only two things I found that I didn't think did the piece justice. The word "within" in the second line. It just seems, for lack of a better word, forced, with "In" in the next line.

The other thing, are the lines "You are the damned/You are the lost". It seems rather...Harsh? The rest of it struck me as a somewhat peaceful description of finding one's own definition of everything surrounding us, and those lines seemed unnecessarily forceful, IMO. I can understand it though. On second thought, it actually kinda fits. Religious and philosophical ignorance is more than irritating, and now that I think about it, you describe that fairly well. So, never mind what I said was wrong with the second one, haha.

I really enjoyed this overall. Nicely done, I have to say
My gear:
Schecter C-1+ w/ Seymour duncan Jazz (neck) and Full Shred (bridge), with Sperzels
B-52 LG-100A 4x12 half stack
Rogue LX405 Bass
Yamaha classical
Some sort of acoustic Squier
Boss Flanger
Lyon Chorus
#3
Thanks. I took a walk at 2 a.m the other day, when I decided I wanted to smoke a really good cigar I had. For the first time ever, I decided to inhale the cigar smoke, and did so through the whole cigar, so I ended up with a fat nicotine high and an overwhelming sensation of pantheism. Out came this.

I liked the second stanza too. The morning after writing this, I read it once again to think the third stanza strange, but if you think about it, it fits. Somehow. I think this is something that would sound best growled out of rage, on top of a strong melody and heavy drumming.
Quote by denizenz
I'll logic you right in the thyroid.

Art & Lutherie