#1
That bright orange paint,
so hot it burnt up the road,
the driver just the same,
but little did I know.

We went down the road,
and then came to a stop,
she said "Climb in back,
but I'm on top."

I did as I was told,
and hopped into the rear,
then said "Hey honey,
let's hope nobody's near!"

That orange speed racer,
flyin' down the road,
doin a hundred n' twenty
woo-ooh boy, that gas really flowed.

Oh orange speed racer,
I wish you hadn't been sold,
Cause I know that backseat,
won't ever get cold.

This is my first attempt at any sort of song writing, and it's not done yet, but I'd appreciate any constructive criticism that I can get.

Edit: added two sections, I think could be used as a chorus, but not sure yet. I think I'm gonna name it Orange Speedracer.
Last edited by MCone at Jan 26, 2009,
#2
a little more of rhyme and a little bit longer lines, and a chorus
Gear:

-ESP/LTD M-100FM
-Yamaha Pacifica PAC012
-PBS 15Watts Amplifier
-Dunlop Original Crybaby Wah Pedal
-Monster 25ft. Cable
-Dunlop Tortex 1mm Picks
-Dunlop Strap (Heavy Duty)
- Ernie Ball 10-46
#3
Don't listen to that comment. Rhymes suck unless you're good at them. Longer lines don't always suit the style of writing and don't always coincide with the theme. And a chorus is not necessary unless you actually have a chorus in the fucking song.

Before I begin, is that your title that you prescribed to the piece? Or is it actually a work in progress? If it is, you are breaking the rules. Just read them quickly and repost the piece with a correct title.
Otherwise, I enjoyed this and I'll "hit it up" - as everyone is saying these days - when you respond to this post.