#1
singing

balcony cacophony

tossing georgia peaches
parking lot weekends
shopping cart races
and police car chases
ensuing suitors and Jakob Grimm
a little too tall, a little too thin

swaying umbrella canopy
of an old juniper tree

in the heart of new england
in the shade we'll be sleeping

Northwestern mist
diner jukebox bliss
spending consecutive Christmas's in a bar
sleeping against the window of a car
parking lot weekend
waking up without blinking
Anatomy Anatomy
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Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#2
I don't mean to be ignorant Jimi, but is this about people shopping too much? Don't answer that. If it is, I love it. Otherwise, I'm finding it hard to gather enough solid ground to rest my feet.
I'll keep reading.
#4
i gathered it was about rejecting materialistic society and finding solitude in simpler things?

i liked it.
#5
yeah that's on the right track but less focus on materialism and shopping. that's not the main idea.
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
#6
its less about materialism and more about enjoying simpler moments, am i on point with that thought? a quick, nice read, felt like it could have been dug a little deeper. are you from new england?
#7
I like it, it carries a certain dark atmosphere I find delightful. Juts for the record, who is Jakob Grimm?
Beau, oui, comme Bowie
#8
ehh pittsburgh isn't really new england haha. it isn't really anything. but that's a personal reference to a vacation up and down to Nantucket when I was younger and the connotation that 'New England' has (at least for me) is one that fits.


yeah it's about what people are used to as simple, enjoyable things and then kind of throwing out of this 'dream' and dropping into the last stanza. waking up without blinking is supposed to imply that the other stuff is now far away but that it's also right here in a 'beat' way. that's the direction.

edit: Jakob grimm was one of the grimm brothers (who didn't get married). They were famous fairy tail writers. give it a quick search and you'll see
Anatomy Anatomy
Whale Blue Review

Park that car
Drop that phone
Sleep on the floor
Dream about me
Last edited by jiminizzle at Jan 28, 2009,
#9
Oh I see, yes I know the Grimm brothers, and their tales, I was just plain lazy to go search for the name in wikipedia or google hehe. Once again, great lyrics
Beau, oui, comme Bowie
#10
parking lot weekends
shopping cart races
and police car chases


Feels like there should be another syllable at the front of the first line in that, and I feel that perhaps the repeated 'ay' sound in the other two doesn't match with the word 'peaches'. 'Peaches' was warm where these weren't and I think you didn't let the warm feeling expand far enough before putting the other sounds in.

The 'a''s before 'bar' and 'car' made them sound a bit cheap and thrown together too, like they don't bring much to the overall when they could if they were presented more strongly.

I enjoyed this, yeah. It's good
There's only one thing we can do to thwart the plot of these albino shape-shifting lizard BITCHES!