#1
Maybe Leaves
You've got shoes made of grass
and I... and I...
Would like to leave
leaf... leaf...

Please understand the way the world
keeps falling around your ankles as
you undress and trees or plants
Maybe leaves tangle in the grass
blades that are your shoes

Precious little apple
you are... you are...
The cost of hello
No one knows where to go
When a letter loses meaning
Cost, Hello
you are
wide awake..




I took a new approach with this song, because I am trying to switch up my writing and playing style a bit. There is a lot of addition repeating/chanting when I play it, I kept it out of the written up thing on here since it would just look silly and people wouldn't read it as it is played.
this one is for you.
Last edited by Ebshabutiee at Jan 25, 2009,
#2
blades that are your shoes

i dont like the word blades here. things dont get entagled around anything sharp anyway, and the word is in complete contrast to the happy literal-image of the rest of the song.
#4
Quote by ginjaninja
blades that are your shoes

i dont like the word blades here. things dont get entagled around anything sharp anyway, and the word is in complete contrast to the happy literal-image of the rest of the song.


Well actually it ties in with the last word of the previous line, Grass/blades,
I see what you are saying though, I'll see if i might be able to throw anything else in.
this one is for you.
#5
Yes, well it does make literal sense (blades of grass) but the connotations dont fit right, and you highlight them with putting the line break there.


also, no more pink avy?
#6
Na, had to share my love of Animal Collective,
I thought I would make up by making most of my pieces purple or some other more feminine color though.
this one is for you.
#7
Maybe Leaves
You've got shoes made of grass
and I... and I...
Would like to leave
leaf... leaf...

Please understand the way the world
keeps falling around your ankles as
you undress and trees or plants
Maybe leaves tangle in the grass
blades that are your shoes

These two stanzas hard some brilliant ideas but they didn't flow well, this could be contributed to the lack on punctuation. Your ideas didn't entwind as well as it should have, which was a shame here. Try to play around here and see what you might create; you have that potential to get there.

Precious little apple
you are... you are...
The cost of hello
No one knows where to go
When a letter loses meaning
Cost, Hello
you are
wide awake..


The abstract here wasn't conveyed precised enough; it didn't grab me well enough. It rather puzzled me and I wasn't completely sure about what you were trying to illustrate or what scene you had in sence.


I took a new approach with this song, because I am trying to switch up my writing and playing style a bit. There is a lot of addition repeating/chanting when I play it, I kept it out of the written up thing on here since it would just look silly and people wouldn't read it as it is played.


Your lyrics can be made more impactful and I think that your ideas weren't in depth well enough to do it justice. I believe you can go all the way with this, I look forward to it.

PM me for any other question.
#8
Bleed Away, I do agree that it was probably a little vague, but I like the way it makes you think. I would say what I think it is about but I am sure I will be wrong.

Please understand the way the world
keeps falling around your ankles as


These lines seemed to hold a lot of significance, atleast from what I understand. A very good double entendre.