#1
be harsh.
and, i am still looking for another word for "looky", cuz its kinda childish.

[Verse]

Everybody look, can’t you see,
All this mayhem, running free?
Everybody look, all around,
At all these people, on the ground

[Verse 2]

Now looky here, at whats happening,
As you see, its darkening,
Now looky here, this rolling thunder,
Cant you tell, we’re going under

[Chorus]

We gotta stop this madness,
Goin through the town
We gotta stop this madness
Goin round and round

[Verse 3]

Looking back, hells being wrought.
There’s no order, not a thought.
Looking back, there’s hell to see,
Take a closer look, at what would be.

[Chorus]

We gotta stop this madness,
Goin through the town
We gotta stop this madness
Goin round and round

[Solo]
[Breakdown]
[Chorus]
Last edited by Newse at Jan 26, 2009,
#2
Boring, repetitive rhyming pattern, but i guess it could work


Throw in a few changes, it'll be less consistent and leave the listener guessing, right now it's a bit predictable.


Looking back, hells being wrought.
There’s no order, not a thought.
Looking back, there’s hell to see,
Take a closer look, at what would be.

Thats the best phrase, however what are the bolded words supposed to mean?
a little lost.....
#3
thanks, i will definetly change some things.
and i accidentally put what would be. i meant to say what could be.
as in, what could be if we stopped the madness