#1
"Human Error"
I guess this song's basically about me... the kool, funny, yet not-so-awesome, clumsy fool in the back of the class, making friends with all the other wierd fools.
Totally.


I know that I'm not the perfect man,
I understand we ain't the greatest band,
I get that my writing's not neat,
But when ya think about it, that's just me.

I guess that my grades weren't the best,
I realize I'm a clumsy mess,
I think my brain's a little slow,
But that's what makes me "me", yknow?

And, hell, I ain't ready for a change,
I don't wanna leave this behind,
Even all my issues,
I hope you think I'm just fine,
The way I am all the time.

I'm a little on the big side,
I know not all my songs rhyme,
I hear my hair's too long,
But I fail to see what's wrong...

And god, I don't want this to change,
I'm afraid of what'll happen "next time",
Especially with all my imperfections,
I'm still just another guy,
Like I am all the time.

*Seems a lil' short to me, I may edit with more material later. Please feel free to check out my other lyrics as well! C4C *
Last edited by Patty-cakez at Jan 26, 2009,
#2
stop saying babe all the time and itll be a 9/10. very good lyrics dude
If a mortal stands before us
Strike him down with sleight of hand.
And if heaven rides against us
Then God himself must be damned.


Computer Science major! Apple enthusiast!
I wear Vibrams and type with Dvorak!
#3
Quote by GODhimself37
stop saying babe all the time and itll be a 9/10. very good lyrics dude


What should i replace it with? And thanks :P

I think this was a fairly easy song for me to come up with cuz it just spurted out... but it turned out so well... IMO atleast.
#5
if its a folk or blues song, its even better. something like "caught up" from the fall of troy. if u want it to be a hit, add some pop because since true rock is dead now you have to resort to bull****.

replace babe with another word for your girl that is simple and catchy. hell even "girl" is good. but yea google an online thesaurus if u need more help.
If a mortal stands before us
Strike him down with sleight of hand.
And if heaven rides against us
Then God himself must be damned.


Computer Science major! Apple enthusiast!
I wear Vibrams and type with Dvorak!
#6
Quote by Patty-cakez
"Human Error"

I know that I'm not the perfect man,
I understand we ain't the greatest band,
I get that my writing's not neat,
But when ya think about it, that's just me.

I don't really like "I get my writing's not neat." It sounds really weak... In fact, "weak" might work. Something like "I get my writing's kinda weak." or "I know my writing's not a feat."

I guess that my grades weren't the best,
I realize I'm a clumsy mess,
I think my brain's a little slow,
But that's what makes me "me", yknow?

Epic.

And, hell, I ain't ready for a change,
I don't wanna leave this behind,
Even all my issues,
I hope you think I'm just fine,
The way I am all the time.

This seems a little clumsy, but to music, it might flow just fine. It's just kinda hard to tell looking at it from this angle. It's mainly that middle verse "Even all my issues" that slows it down.

I'm a little on the big side,
I know not all my songs rhyme,
I hear my hair's too long,
But I fail to see what's wrong...

Again, nice.

And God, I don't want this to change,
I'm afraid of what'll happen "next time",
Especially with all my imperfections,
I'm still just another guy,
Like I am all the time.

Again... feels kinda awkward. Not sure how to make it flow more, and maybe just great if I can come up with the tune to go with it.



I love the simple conviction of this song. Personally, it's one of my favorite things I've read on the S&L forums. It's an honest song, and I like that alot about it.
Art is Vice. You don't marry it legitimately, you rape it...
-Edgar Degas
#7
Quote by Patty-cakez
"Human Error"


I guess that my grades weren't the best, I don't really know why, but this line ... I do not feel it matches perfectly with the rest, maybe if you express the same with different words?
I realize I'm a clumsy mess,
I think my brain's a little slow,
But that's what makes me "me", yknow? Some people might find it unique and great, but the "yknow", I belive is not quite needed, once again thats just my opinion



I find your lyrics to be simple, yet solid. For some reason those lyrics reminded me of "Creep" by Radiohead hehe.

Anyway, great job, quite an original piece.
Beau, oui, comme Bowie
#8
I think this would be a pretty good campfire song, that has an upbeat guitar rhythm to it.
Kinda like NeverShoutNever upbeat. Hhaha.

But yeah, pretty good stuff.
#9
Thanks guys :P Yeah, I'm not the strongest writer on here, but I write what I like and I like what I write (...sometimes *cough*).

Expect crits on your guys' pieces soon!
#10
I think saying "y'know" at the end of a line just makes it look like you're searching for a rhyme. Also, I think you should cut out "how I am all the time" because frankly, it's unrealistic, unnecessary, and it annoys me.
Other than that...