#1
Hey. First post here. Just putting together the basics of a song at the moment. Thought I'd post the first draft of the lyrics here and I'll update when they are finished. Still working on a chorus.

*Edit: have put together a chorus and updated the chords. Still tweaking but its almost there. Oh have given it a title too...*

Am7
How we mourned,
Dm7
The death of you.
Am7
And no one seemed to know,
Em7_________Dm7
How we would get through

It was so long ago,
I was just a boy.
I've lived a life that,
Lacked you in its joy.

Chorus:
Cadd2___A7sus4______Em7____G
Now with every passing year,
You sit there in the corner of the room.
In the midst of celebration we share second glances,
Almost like you are still here with us too.

The smell of pipe smoke,
And the thought of your arm chair.
I carry them with me,
I see you everywhere.

The hole you left behind,
Nothing could ever fill.
I still have my memories,
But they can't replace your soul.

*Chorus*
Last edited by chilipenguin at Jan 29, 2009,
#2
How sad ....

I suggest a funky chorus ... with a lot of horns and atleast 2 bassists, slapping the funk. And then you could go nuts with some upbeat rythm patterns. Also ... Alot of Hihat's and snares for the drummer. All in all it's going to be very happy.
#4
Quote by Nielsyboy
How sad ....

I suggest a funky chorus ... with a lot of horns and atleast 2 bassists, slapping the funk. And then you could go nuts with some upbeat rythm patterns. Also ... Alot of Hihat's and snares for the drummer. All in all it's going to be very happy.


I second that, but make it 5 bassists. Fo that extra funk ya know. And 2 drummers fo that beat.
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#5
no, ten bassists, 20 guitars, two horns and three trumpets...

seriously, it was quite cool, all really emotional, simple yet deep

i don't usually comment on the simplicity of things it doesn't bother me

it was quite good for a start

no do mine:P
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#6
Thanks for the feedback. As I say this is just a draft of the lyrics. I put them together over a twelve bar blues pattern. Having difficulty working out a chorus pattern using the same style (I am a singer more than a guitarist and patterns aren't my strong suit ) As for twenty bassists, good idea if could just find twenty of them. Hard enough finding one
#7
i think it should be slow, ill try to record sumthin of how i think it should sound and put it on my profile, if that's okay with you
#8
I like it. I get the message of it clearly, and I sat and played along with it, fingerpicked on an acoustic.
I'd add a bit more metaphor in the lyrics. Although I get the message of the song, and although it's pretty good so far; it just needs to be driven lyrically a bit more. Especially if it's gonna be a slow song.

But that's just my pov xD you don't HAVE to!
Well done and good luck!
Bowwood bass and Squier Affinity Fat Strat

Vocals- Band name not yet known.
#9
Quote by Harrisfun
i think it should be slow, ill try to record sumthin of how i think it should sound and put it on my profile, if that's okay with you


That would be sweet dude. Would love to hear your idea.

Quote by megamouth2
I like it. I get the message of it clearly, and I sat and played along with it, fingerpicked on an acoustic.
I'd add a bit more metaphor in the lyrics. Although I get the message of the song, and although it's pretty good so far; it just needs to be driven lyrically a bit more. Especially if it's gonna be a slow song.

But that's just my pov xD you don't HAVE to!
Well done and good luck!


Yeah I'm thinking of some better imagery for the song. I'm at work just now and going to have a tinker when i get home. I'll post the revised lyrics when they are finished.
Last edited by chilipenguin at Jan 27, 2009,
#10
Quote by chilipenguin


Yeah I'm thinking of some better imagery for the song. I'm at work just now and going to have a tinker when i get home. I'll post the revised lyrics when they are finished.

Cool! Good luck
Bowwood bass and Squier Affinity Fat Strat

Vocals- Band name not yet known.
#11
Quite good. Just because it's sad I should not be slow, as some one suggested before. As for the choruses, try not to think them over too much, if they sound too forced you'll break the general feeling of the song, just keep them simple, yet, powerful.
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#12
Quote by TaV0
Quite good. Just because it's sad I should not be slow, as some one suggested before. As for the choruses, try not to think them over too much, if they sound too forced you'll break the general feeling of the song, just keep them simple, yet, powerful.


Yeah I've put together a chorus now and its slightly faster/more upbeat than the verses. Not as funky as some people suggested. Who knows though, this is just a working frame. Maybe if I use this in a band the others might want to add some slap bass to it
#13
Hey. I'm hopefully recieving delivery of a Boss Micro BR tomorrow so I'll try record a rough version of this and upload it to my profile...
#14
i kinda feel bad about this, but posting twice on your own piece counts as a bump no matter what. instead, edit one of your other posts in this thread with updates.

*reported*