#2
vocals are really distant. they sound far away. they need to have the levels equaled out. and its a rather quiet recording all around.
Guitar isn't awsome, but I like the idea. work on playing it with all the notes coming through a little clearer. Perhaps micing it different will produce a more full sound.

Add in some drums, bass, solomono synth. bam. instant awsome rap song.

I would comment on lyrics but its hard to hear them all. hmmmm. the rhythm is well done. Some of the rhymes are a little predictable. but alas thats the problem with the english language. I really rather liked the chorus.

Add another verse or two with the chorus thrown in there another two times with the last one being an extended chorus. Add a solo. maybe a few mini solo riffs/fills throughout.

Primary thing that needs to be fixed is the levels. Rap loses quite a bit if you can't hear the vocals.

-Ryan