#1
'She'll be the end of you,'
said a friend to the living dead,
a zombie walking to the marketplace
among the lifeless, brain-dead masses.

I thought I couldn't be more alone
until you locked me in the cage under your bed

You gave me that sincere stare;
I returned to you a hurtful glare.
My heart is as cold as Winter's air
(which is colder on the wettest of hair.)

You invite me in, do I dare?

For once in my life, I'm greeted with kindness.
A change of heart in this circumstance;
I begin to catch up with the utter loneliness
that is presented with existence.

'I'm in love,'
I thought, though I cannot think.
I only dream
and in my fantasies, there are no nightmares.


When the news arrived at the scene,
it resembled something out of a Japanese horror film.

Scratched into the victim's arm:

Take me in like a stray.
Cut off my feet,
so I can't run away.
Feed me rotting meat;
I only get food if I beg.
You cut a hole in my thigh
and a worm at through my leg.
You stuck a needle in my eye..
I..
(I thought I couldn't be more alone
until you locked me in the cage under your bed.)
I realized I was no longer alone
once you got inside of my head.
Lord Gold feeds from your orifices and he wants to see you sweat.
Lord Gold probes you publicly and makes your pussy wet.
Now say his name.....
#2
To be honest, i'm not really feeling this one. I think alot of the rhymes sound too forced.
#3
Its a bit on the eery side, not that its bad just saying.

I do have to agree too many rhymes and there not really concealed well enough..
you know a good rhyme agrees with the subconsious but is ignored by the concentration.
#4
this is a pretty cool idea. very "misery", but theres a few things that really stick out like sore thumbs.

first of all "my heart is cold as..." has to be one of the most overdone lines in the history of lyrics.

the erratic rhyming makes it hard to keep any kind of flow going while reading.
rhyme obviously isnt the be all and end all of poetry and lyrics, but you cant just stop and start as you please. it makes it more of a chore to read.

this isnt bad, its got a pretty clear idea behind it, i just thought the delivery was lacking in some aspects.

big up.
--------------------i'm definitely the alphaest male here--------------------