#1
Hey all I posted this about a month ago and changed a stanza so I think I can post it again if not the mods can delete it for me I'll crit for crit

Spoken
Do you feel it overtaking you?
This greed, this hate, this lust?
Welcome to my abyss

Verse 1
Feel the hate
See the greed
welcome to this realm
this is my aybss

Verse 2
Enter the darkness
forget the light
hear the screams
silence their crys

Death and destruction
surround you here
fear and hate
will consume you

Fire and brimstone
await you now
no escape and
no turning back

Enter the darkness
forget the light
hear the screams
silence their crys

Trapped in this nightmare
in the labryth of my mind
control is an illusion
no one can recognize

Spoken
If your passion hides
in the wake of a darkness
which is not worth the light...
That is your path.
That is your decision.
That is your fate.

Enter the darkness
forget the light
hear the screams
silence their crys
#3
Quote by gord69961
hey i liked it it got really catchy half way through how heavy are you tryting to make it
i might be able to crit you better if i know
but ya nice work id like to hear the finished work
mines not that good...https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1056526


Probably down with the sickness area, but I cant find anyone that can sing haha I have a southern drawl so cant sing this kind of music kinda sucks to be honest haha
#4
the song dose go with that i think you should keep at it find a sing er im just like u i got a heavy german voice i cant sing lol but keep at it its a keeper
#7
I love the lyrics man! I started singing it and it automatically came out like a Metallica/Slayer song haha. I didn't do it on purpose just felt that way while singing it! Personal 10/10
Quote by Macabre_Turtle
Your guitar will be infinite. Far over 9000.


[IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v647/oXiDe2030/fnmetal.jpg[/IMG]
#8
completely off topic point: isn't crys spelt cries?
Yamaha ERG 121
Yamaha F370TBS
Yamaha GA-10

NOOB KIT FTW

-------------------------

Lyrical Insanity:

Chasing Shadows
#9
^ yes.


maybe i said this last time.

the lyrics are cliche for that genre, as is the theme. its generally dull-ly written, and i found that either the lines were good, yet horribly overused in that genre, or boring.


c4c, endorphins
#10
this more or less reminds me of a rejected metallica song, and i'm not quite sure what to think about it. it's very cliche and has few redeeming qualities about it. that said, if i listened to a recording i'd probably enjoy it.

no.
#11
i like it i like the stanza thing "Enter the darkness
forget the light
hear the screams
silence their crys"
nice job