#1
Metal Riff To open

Your mortal life will be ended soon
there will be nothing left when I'm done with you
missal launch the sky will turn to black
you will fall after first attack.

<guitar riff>

Buildings fall and turn to dust
I will destroy you if i must
the world is going to slowly die
will be ended..blank..?

<course><slower guitar>

wars come on and on..
getting worse as time goes on
no more guns we use the bombs
well abuse this planet till its gone

<next verse>

the sky will fall it will touch the ground
explosions will happen all around
your friends fall and slowly bleed
you look up and scream your plead

<solo>
.............
and that's all i got my first real like not finished but song
i wrote on my own so ya
#2
Quote by gord69961
Metal Riff To open

Your mortal life will be ended soon
there will be nothing left when I'm done with you
missal launch the sky will turn to black
you will fall after first attack.

Good solid opening in my opinion, the last two lines the rhyming seems forced

<guitar riff>

Buildings fall and turn to dust
I will destroy you if i must
the world is going to slowly die
will be ended..blank..?

This time its the first two verses that seem forced, and for the last line how bout destroyed in a blink of the eye?

<course><slower guitar>

wars come on and on..
getting worse as time goes on
no more guns we use the bombs
we'll abuse this planet till its gone

Solid verse dont rhyme on with on though

<next verse>

the sky will fall it will touch the ground
explosions will happen all around
your friends fall and slowly bleed
you look up and scream your plead

the flow in the first line is a little werid but besides that its a solid verse

<solo>
.............
and that's all i got my first real like not finished but song
i wrote on my own so ya


Very good for a first attempt, if I read that last line right, needs a little bit of touching up but it is still a very good piece with a great deal of potential
#4
seems pretty good, how fast will this be and what will the singing style be though? cause if it's not really fast and kinda mid low it doesn't seem right going through my head but it could be i don't really know...
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