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#1
Well, I want to be a writer, my girlfriend made me realize that it is what I've pretty much always wanted to be. See, as a kid I was always coming up with concepts and thinking that it would be good as a book, or a television show, or whatever I thought it'd be cool as. I've also had this character in my head since like second grade. This character has grown up with me and I've always played around with the story a little. I guess you could say he was my imaginary friend as a kid. I'm just wanting unbiased opinions on the story I'm coming up with.
Okay, well the protagonist is a human who is possessed by a fallen god. The god is a god of storms. The god is the only one who can use the storm abilities because he doesn't want the human getting too strong but he keeps the human immortal so that he may go on living. I have the god personality as kind of an asshole but only comes out in moments of uncontrolled anger and he is also somewhat of a survival mode, and comes out when the human is like about to die.
I have it to wear the human has lived so long without the ability to die that he is looking for a way to kill the god so that he may age and die. He doesn't want to commit suicide because he wants to die an honorable death. So he hears about this like time machine in the pentagon (it is set in the distant future after a nuclear war) and goes after that.
I also am playing around with like people finding technology from our era and thinking them magical relics.
Due what you want as long as you vote Due!
#4
Quote by angusfan16
I'd read it.


You would? Okay that is totally awesome. See my girlfriend was the first person I've told all this to because I was worried people would think it was stupid.
Due what you want as long as you vote Due!
#5
If your going to actually write, id say do it as a side project. That way its much less stressful, you can take your time, and if you dont make it at least youll still have food on the table from a job.
Quote by Primus2112
I just asked a guestion regarding a music store myth and my thread turns into a discussion about titfucking bagged milk.

#7
sounds like itd make a good comic book series actually...
Quote by Primus2112
I just asked a guestion regarding a music store myth and my thread turns into a discussion about titfucking bagged milk.

#8
Quote by kaosfire
If your going to actually write, id say do it as a side project. That way its much less stressful, you can take your time, and if you dont make it at least youll still have food on the table from a job.


Yeah, I was kind of planning to do that until I like hit one big enough to do it as a job, or made enough money to wear I'm set for life.
Due what you want as long as you vote Due!
#10
Quote by tayroar
I have it to wear the human has lived so long without the ability to die that he is looking for a way to kill the god so that he may age and die.

Hope you get a good editor

I don't really know your personal situation, but if I were you I would definitely consider writing it in my spare time as a sort of hobby and then pursuing a publisher, rather than focusing on writing as my primary career. Again, you may feel differently, but that's what I would do.

Edit: I hope you know it normally takes years to write a full narrative and I assume you are aware of all the subtleties and things that go into a good, deep story.
Last edited by RU Experienced? at Jan 28, 2009,
#11
Quote by angusfan16
I'd read it.


I wouldn't, but I suppose I've heard dumber things. I would consider nixing the time machine idea, though. For some reason the fantasy+sci fi thing never sat well with me.
#12
Quote by tayroar
You would? Okay that is totally awesome. See my girlfriend was the first person I've told all this to because I was worried people would think it was stupid.



Yeah i like the whole idea of a human being possessed by a fallen god. From the bit of info I've gathered it sounds like i would enjoy it.
Sail upon the open skies
#14
Honestly, it's not something that I would read. But if you're actually going to write something, stop telling us about it and do it. Seriously. Right now. There's only one difference between writers and everyone else. They write (getting published is obviously another manner, but you have to have a product to sell before you can sell it). Stop thinking about it and get that **** on paper.
"There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. Some kind of high powered mutant never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die."-Duke
#15
Quote by Le_Bunny
I think the inclusion of the Pentagon reference will throw off readers' suspension of disbelief. I'd suggest create a different government building in the story to make it more cohesive.
Apart from that sounds pretty interesting.


Well, I kind of want to make it like my own world, while playing with ours in a way. I figure the pentagon a bunch of super weapons would try and be made there. So that's why I have what he seeks there. Like I guess fallout 3 would be my closest example. Except like I'm going to have people look at the pentagon as a shrine because they think all things technology is magic. Also, the dude like survived even through our era and is in the vastly distant future, after a like nuclear war.


Quote by mrcrono
It's got potential, but it's a bit too whimsical for my tastes.

Is this going to be a book? Script? It almost sounds like an anime or a video game.


I'm currently writing it in a book style, but I'd love to make it into a comic book. The Dark Tower has been a somewhat big influence on me as well.
Due what you want as long as you vote Due!
Last edited by tayroar at Jan 28, 2009,
#16
Quote by tayroar
Yeah, I was kind of planning to do that until I like hit one big enough to do it as a job, or made enough money to wear I'm set for life.

whoa there buddy. you haven't even written the book yet. don't jump ahead of yourself. on a side note, i wouldn't read this because it is not my style, but i know people who were into fantasy would eat this up.
#17
I'd absolutely read it. In a way it kind of reminds me of this series I'm reading about the Greek Gods still being around and how they have children being half-god and half-human.

They have powers based on their godly parent. For instance, the protagonist's father is the god of the sea, Poseidon. So the character has the power to move small bodies of water, breathe underwater, and out at sea he knows his exact coordinates. Also, he can communicate with horse-like creatures since Poseidon was rumored to have created horses out of sea-foam.

So maybe your character should have just small amounts of the storm power at his control. Maybe he can only control the wind around him to a certain extent.

Also, how did the god fall? Did another god take over? Did the god have an opposite that fought him? (By opposite I mean the way God is to Satan or the Olympians are to the Titans.) How did the god come to be in the first place? What about the gods of other things other than storms? Are there others like the main protagonist? Was the protagonist born with the god possessing him? How did the god possess him? Who are his parents?
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Last edited by PhillyHendrix at Jan 29, 2009,
#18
i'd suggest reading the poem "So you want to be a writer?" by charles bukowski before you plan on basing your life on writing. As for the story, it sounds like it would be a good story. good luck!
#21
Quote by loudog93
whoa there buddy. you haven't even written the book yet. don't jump ahead of yourself. on a side note, i wouldn't read this because it is not my style, but i know people who were into fantasy would eat this up.


I'm not saying I will, I'm saying I'd have a job until I got comfortable with it. I'm not saying I will get comfortable with it.
Due what you want as long as you vote Due!
#22
I'd get frustrated at the number of sentences that you end in prepositions.
Also, not to dishearten, but concept < content. A well-written book is a well-written book, and a shoddily-written book is, of course, a shoddily-written book. I'm not saying you've got no talent, but keep in mind that the proof is indeed in the pudding. Writing a novel is taxing, gruelling, time-consuming work.

Sorry to go Simon Cowell on your honky ass. Best of luck.
#23
Writing is fun.

The idea sounds ok, but if you're planning on pursuing it commercially, I'm not so sure how well it will work. The first bit sounds like it would appeal mainly to children or teens, while the whole "trying to die" bit sounds geared more toward an older audience. A publisher might be hesitant to accept a manuscript of that sort just because the audience it would appeal to would probably be a bit limited.

If you just want to write for the fun of it, though, disregard that. Personally, I like writing, and I mostly write short stories that are a bit weird. If I somehow end up being able to make money off of my writing, then great, but if not, that doesn't really matter to me. I'm fine with just writing my stories and giving them to my friends to read and stuff.

So I guess just figure out whether you want to write with a goal of commercial success, or just for the sake of writing, and make plans based on that.
kill all humans
#24
Quote by atthedrive-thru
so what's the deal the time machine exactly? cuz i don't think it really fits, am i missing something?


It will fit in. He hears about it because there are groups of people who basically go around scavenging old weapons, and like I'm making it to where the time machine isn't like something you get into but more like a glove, but he plans on going to when he got possessed and offing himself in the past so he doesn't have to live with it. That of course won't be the end of the story because he will come into problems with paradoxes and the such.
Due what you want as long as you vote Due!
#25
So you want to be a writer?

by Charles Bukowski


if it doesn't come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don't do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don't do it.

if you have to sit for hours staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your typewriter searching for words,
don't do it.
if you're doing it for money or fame,
don't do it.
if you're doing it because you want women in your bed,
don't do it.

if you have to sit there and rewrite it again and again,
don't do it.
if it's hard work just thinking about doing it,
don't do it.
if you're trying to write like somebody else,
forget about it.

if you have to wait for it to roar out of you,
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.

if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you're not ready.

don't be like so many writers,
don't be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don't be dull and boring and pretentious,
don't be consumed with self-love.

the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to sleep
over your kind.
don't add to that.
don't do it.

unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don't do it.

unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don't do it.

when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in you.
there is no other way.
and there never was.
LARGE TEXT
#26
Id make sure to elaborate on the story of the fallen god.

To me it sounds like itd be a great comic book because there is so much potential for sub plots.
Quote by Primus2112
I just asked a guestion regarding a music store myth and my thread turns into a discussion about titfucking bagged milk.

#27
it's a pretty neat concept except for the honorable death thing. If he was really so desperately looking for a way to die, he would definitely try to kill himself, although following the logic of your characters, the god would most likely intervene to stay alive. (this is assuming that the human is desperately and fervently looking for a way out of the situtaion, and hasn't just calmly decided that he's done with his extended life). The other option might be to put more emphasis on his wish to die honorably, such as make him so stubbornly adherent to it that it becomes a hinderance in some instances (perhaps he is at one point able to easily kill himself and thus the god but cannot bring himself to do it), or make a point of stressing the stupidity and futility of self-sacrifice, or something along those lines.

Which brings me to another point. Why is the god trying to stay immortal? If he is able to live forever, his ulterior motive can't be to simply survive. You should give the god a reason for possessing the human, like a plot to regain his former status or take revenge on the other gods, or maybe just to rule earth now that the gods' realm is out of reach, and the human is trying to stop this potentially-apocalyptic scenario in addition to ending this unnaturally infinite life that he has grown to hate.

Keep in mind that those are just suggestions. This is your story and I respect that, but I was just pointing out things that didn't seem like logical courses of action.
This is my signature. There are many like it but this one is MINE.
Last edited by sixstringsteve at Jan 29, 2009,
#28
Quote by Holy.
So you want to be a writer?

by Charles Bukowski


if it doesn't come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don't do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don't do it.

if you have to sit for hours staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your typewriter searching for words,
don't do it.
if you're doing it for money or fame,
don't do it.
if you're doing it because you want women in your bed,
don't do it.

if you have to sit there and rewrite it again and again,
don't do it.
if it's hard work just thinking about doing it,
don't do it.
if you're trying to write like somebody else,
forget about it.

if you have to wait for it to roar out of you,
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.

if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you're not ready.

don't be like so many writers,
don't be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don't be dull and boring and pretentious,
don't be consumed with self-love.

the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to sleep
over your kind.
don't add to that.
don't do it.

unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don't do it.

unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don't do it.

when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in you.
there is no other way.
and there never was.



See that is how I feel, like that encourages me to write more. Like this specific story keeps going through my head and every time I see a movie or something, some concept of the movie tries to apply itself if it can work. It constantly evolves in my head. This has been evolving since I was like in second grade.

edit: do you guys maybe want to read my first "chapter"? It isn't long enough and it is pretty rough but would you all like to read it?
Due what you want as long as you vote Due!
Last edited by tayroar at Jan 29, 2009,
#29
I suggest actually writing something of decent size before making up your mind to be a writer. Everyone gets good ideas for books, but it's a HUGE difference to actually sit down and write something, let alone something worth reading. Plus, it's not like you can just be a pretty intelligent person with a decent vocabulary and automatically be a good writer. It takes practice, and lots of it. Write now, and write often, or you won't stand a chance later on in life.
#30
Hey, I think you've got some great ideas here. It's an interesting fight to read about, not forgetting the whole societal ignorance regarding technology. But I personally always think that time machine is a cheap idea. I read a few sci-fi short stories and went "Come on, not a time machine again". But who knows if you can pull it off well? It's just my personal opinion anyway because if it's good, it's good. Anyway, best of luck to you!
#32
Quote by wicked_hobbit
Hey, I think you've got some great ideas here. It's an interesting fight to read about, not forgetting the whole societal ignorance regarding technology. But I personally always think that time machine is a cheap idea. I read a few sci-fi short stories and went "Come on, not a time machine again". But who knows if you can pull it off well? It's just my personal opinion anyway because if it's good, it's good. Anyway, best of luck to you!


See, I think that usually too. But like I have this whole vision in my head when he gets it. Like I was toying around with the idea of him like putting it on and like actually feeling the fourth dimension shatter around him. I kind of want it to be like where he fades in and out of realities and for him to find out things like ghosts are paradoxes in the time stream. I have a vision of it being much more than a time machine but more of another obstacle that he has to figure out how to control, instead of it just being a simple undo button.
Due what you want as long as you vote Due!
#33
Quote by sixstringsteve
If he was really so desperately looking for a way to die, he would definitely try to kill himself, although following the logic of your characters, the god would most likely intervene to stay alive.

That would be a great aspect to follow. He wants to die because of all the suffering his possessed self has caused, but he is basically held hostage by his power.

A tragic hero is much better than just a dude with powers i say.
Quote by Primus2112
I just asked a guestion regarding a music store myth and my thread turns into a discussion about titfucking bagged milk.

#34
I dunno, seems a bit too fanciful for my taste. I think the human psyche has enough to delve into. I would prefer something more human and emotion driven. But I don't know enough about your story to judge.
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#35
Quote by kaosfire
That would be a great aspect to follow. He wants to die because of all the suffering his possessed self has caused, but he is basically held hostage by his power.

A tragic hero is much better than just a dude with powers i say.


Yeah I agree, I was kind of just wanting to make the god extremely selfish, but I like the whole tragic hero thing. I do like the ulterior motives thing too. See, I plan to have an antagonist that is also a god but can do a trick similar to the demon in Fallen if you've seen it. Where basically if you kill him he just goes into someone else anyway.
Due what you want as long as you vote Due!
#36
Quote by tayroar

Okay, well the protagonist is a human who is possessed by a fallen god. The god is a god of storms.

Explain "storms"? Hurricanes? Twisters? Thunder and Lightning storms? A little bit vague...

Quote by tayroar
The god is the only one who can use the storm abilities because he doesn't want the human getting too strong but he keeps the human immortal so that he may go on living. I have the god personality as kind of an asshole but only comes out in moments of uncontrolled anger and he is also somewhat of a survival mode, and comes out when the human is like about to die.

This is self-refuting. The god made the human immortal, but only gets angry when the human is about to die? It makes no sense.

Quote by tayroar
I have it to where the human has lived so long without the ability to die that he is looking for a way to kill the god so that he may age and die. He doesn't want to commit suicide because he wants to die an honorable death.

Good.

Quote by tayroar
So he hears about this like time machine in the pentagon (it is set in the distant future after a nuclear war) and goes after that.
I also am playing around with like people finding technology from our era and thinking them magical relics.

This is completely random and makes no sense.

Why don't you do something along the lines of the protagonist must make a realization about himself and the meaning behind his life, and he realizes that his death would bring meaning to his so far immortal life, and that drives the god out of his body? The pentagon bit is a bit strange...
High as tits
#37
Quote by tayroar
Well, I want to be a writer, my girlfriend made me realize that it is what I've pretty much always wanted to be. See, as a kid I was always coming up with concepts and thinking that it would be good as a book, or a television show, or whatever I thought it'd be cool as. I've also had this character in my head since like second grade. This character has grown up with me and I've always played around with the story a little. I guess you could say he was my imaginary friend as a kid. I'm just wanting unbiased opinions on the story I'm coming up with.
Okay, well the protagonist is a human who is possessed by a fallen god. The god is a god of storms. The god is the only one who can use the storm abilities because he doesn't want the human getting too strong but he keeps the human immortal so that he may go on living. I have the god personality as kind of an asshole but only comes out in moments of uncontrolled anger and he is also somewhat of a survival mode, and comes out when the human is like about to die.
I have it to wear the human has lived so long without the ability to die that he is looking for a way to kill the god so that he may age and die. He doesn't want to commit suicide because he wants to die an honorable death. So he hears about this like time machine in the pentagon (it is set in the distant future after a nuclear war) and goes after that.
I also am playing around with like people finding technology from our era and thinking them magical relics.


I like the idea a lot. Maybe have go through training and make it so he can start to control when the god comes out? Have like an epic moment when trying to steal the time machine where he brings the god out but then can't take control of him like he could when by himself or something like that. Then just as the god is about to destroy the time machine, the man kicks in and struggles to take control and manages to get into the machine. that would be epic.

EDIT: The reason he would be trying to control the god is to be able to get into the pentagon by force and use the machine.
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Last edited by BeastTheBand at Jan 29, 2009,
#38
Quote by Suicidal_Brick
Explain "storms"? Hurricanes? Twisters? Thunder and Lightning storms? A little bit vague...


This is self-refuting. The god made the human immortal, but only gets angry when the human is about to die? It makes no sense.


Good.


This is completely random and makes no sense.

Why don't you do something along the lines of the protagonist must make a realization about himself and the meaning behind his life, and he realizes that his death would bring meaning to his so far immortal life, and that drives the god out of his body? The pentagon bit is a bit strange...


Well, it is random and makes no sense when I simplify it. I'm going to put reasons for it. I'm not just going to throw **** at the reader. I was just trying to simplify it to you.
Due what you want as long as you vote Due!
#39
Also, I've toyed around with the idea of him finding out he was a marine and the whole god thing was an AI and he was just a project. I don't know if that would be too M. Night Shamalan though, but I was thinking about doing this to go with my whole technology/magic concept.
Due what you want as long as you vote Due!
#40
Quote by tayroar
Also, I've toyed around with the idea of him finding out he was a marine and the whole god thing was an AI and he was just a project. I don't know if that would be too M. Night Shamalan though, but I was thinking about doing this to go with my whole technology/magic concept.

Don't do this if it's going to be a full novel. If I read an entire book and found out in the end that it was all a simulation or a dream or something, I would be pissed. For a short story, though, I think it could work.
kill all humans
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