#1
I'm imaging sort of an Aerosmith "Walk This Way" sort of slickness to it. Also, I tend to write like this, two short and one long lines; I have yet to try put anything like this to music so is that going to make singing it awkward? And I seem to have trouble avoiding changing the number of syllables between lines, is this going to alter the meter too much?

Well, I felt a little rumble
Then I took a little tumble
And I thought it was the end of the world
And with a rattle and a shakin'
Just a little bit of quakin'
I found myself between the arms of a girl
I took a couple steps forward
Three steps back
When it was over never felt so good
And the next thing I knew
There wasn't nothin' I could do
But just'a tell you all the things I should

I'm also not sure what to do about a chorus just yet.
Gibson LP Studio
Epiphone SoCal 50
Last edited by darkload at Jan 29, 2009,
#2
Since you mentioned "Walk This Way", it's hard not to sing your lyrics to that melody. I think if it was a bluesy type of song (which I assume you are going for) it would kind of work despite the cliches - it has that flow to it. With this type of song in mind I don't think you could get away with making the lyrics too deep though.

I feel the first 6 lines are better than the last 6 (I liked 4-6, especially 6 as it felt a little unexpected, but good).

Maybe change the last line, this to me, feels the most generic line in the song. Also maybe edit "Three steps back" as it, being the shortest line, could possibly disrupt the flow and be problematic when a melody is thought of.

Keep at it though.
#3
Nothing new to really critique here, this is just a compilation of old thoughts with the rhythm from an aerosmith song.
On the eight day we spoke back...

let there be sound.