#1
um... im new to this forum (im mostly on the bass ones) so can i put some lyrics up and see what you think?

The women who smiles softly, a single tear rolls down her cheek,
Washes away the make up, shows the bruises underneath.
The man in the street is begging, by the boxes where he sleeps,
But no body gives him money, he'd sell his soul for food to eat.
The newspapers fill their pages, with lies and death and with deceit,
just think how you'd cope with, reading your story every week.
A business man lost his money, stands upon a buildings roof,
looks at the ground below him, time to contemplate the truth.

Chorus - where is heaven, where is heaven. Cos it aint here.

Verse 2 - as i stand alone here, looking out across the fields,
i hear a thousand voices, crying hungry for a meal.
In a back street alley, a junkie fills his arms with death,
but really who can blame him, when the world is such a mess.
On a dirty corner, a woman sells herself away,
she gives her son the money, just so he can go out and play.
A soldier sits at home and, wonders why he went to war,
for his queen and country, was it worth him dying for.

Chorus - where is heaven, where is heaven. Cos it aint here
#4
dang...really deep. it was amazin..kinda depressin but dats da point i guess... nice work
"dear gravity, you've held me down in this starless city."
#5
wow thanks um.. well at the moment its just acoustic guitar simple major / minor chords. but i suppose it has the potential to be like a full band song. with bass n drums etc.
#7
The women who smiles softly, a single tear rolls down her cheek,
Washes away the make up, shows the bruises underneath.
(I really like these first 2 lines)
The man in the street is begging, by the boxes where he sleeps,
But no body gives him money, he'd sell his soul for food to eat.
(Maybe just my personal preference but I'd re-word "But no body gives him money")
The newspapers fill their pages, with lies and death and with deceit,
(Perhaps change it to "with lies, death and deceit"? - sounds a little more correct)
Just think how you'd cope with, reading your story every week.
(Feels a bit cheesey)
A business man lost his money, stands upon a building's roof,
Looks at the ground below him, time to contemplate the truth.
(First line is ok though "time to contemplate the truth" feels to me as though it doesn't quite fit in with the narrative/perspective of the lyrics - you talk about "a business man" and then address him directly)

I prefer your 1st verse over the 2nd verse. The 2nd verse seems like there are too many simple images and cliches in it. Such as the "junky" filling "his arms with death" and the prostitute/son lines..."just so he can go out and play". I know what you are trying to get at but to me it feels to simple and cliched. My advice: make amends to the first verse and then try and keep the fundamental ideas you have for the 2nd verse but take each idea and try and be a little more inventive. Try not to fall in to the way of using obvious comparisons or well known metaphors/similes.

I hope I haven't shot you down in flames or disheartened you in any way. I have a tendency to focus on the negative aspects. I suppose it's the logical way to get better - find the weak points and strengthen them. Hope this was helpful.

Good luck and keep at it.