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#1
So what are the best Simpsons quotes, scenes and jokes??

Here's a few:

Homer: I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman.

Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel.

Chief Wiggum: I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn.

Troy McClure: Hi. I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Some Confidence, Stupid!”

Mr. Burns: I don’t like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there’s too many fat children.

There are loads more, post your favourite ones!

Here's my favourite scene, it's not best quality though:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5YE1lvpkNI
Last edited by thedefrockednun at Jan 30, 2009,
#2
"What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway."

- Homer

"How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze."

- Homer
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#3
Dental Plan!

Lisa Needs Braces !

Dental Plan!

Lisa Needs Braces !

Dental Plan!

Lisa Needs Braces !

Dental Plan!

Lisa Needs Braces !

Dental Plan!

Lisa Needs Braces !

Dental Plan!

Lisa Needs Braces !

Dental Plan!

Lisa Needs Braces !

Dental Plan!

Lisa Needs Braces !

Dental Plan!

Lisa Needs Braces !

Dental Plan!

Lisa Needs Braces !

Dental Plan!

Lisa Needs Braces !

Dental Plan!

Lisa Needs Braces !

Dental Plan!

Lisa Needs Braces !

Dental Plan!

Lisa Needs Braces !

Dental Plan!

Lisa Needs Braces !

Dental Plan!

Lisa Needs Braces !

Dental Plan!

Lisa Needs Braces !

Dental Plan!

Lisa Needs Braces !

Dental Plan!

Lisa Needs Braces !

Dental Plan!

Lisa Needs Braces !

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Lisa Needs Braces !

Dental Plan!

Lisa Needs Braces !

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Dental Plan!

Lisa Needs Braces !

Dental Plan!

Lisa Needs Braces !
#5
I can pick one from every episode. Some have literally about thirty or forty lines i could quote.

Im just going to enjoy the ones other people provide.
#6
Marge: "Homer, use your inside voice."
Homer: "I DON'T HAVE AN INSIDE VOICE!!"
Quote by MichaelOfCanton
a kazoo will rock some ass for like 85 cents.



Quote by MetalMessiah665
Krik harmret cuz he can prey der gertur wit te wurr wurr pedar!!



http://www.myspace.com/caledonia
#8
Ralph: "Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!"

[Gangster comes in with a gun to kill Abe Simpson]
[Fires a round of bullets]
Jasper: "Was that me... or was that you?"
#9
Bart- You're gay for Moleman
Lisa- No you're gay for Moleman
Moleman- Nobody's gay for Moleman

Lisa *sprays Bart in the pants with a hose* Haha Bart wet his pants
Grandpa- Shut Up it's a serious problem

Lenny (to Carl)- Remember when we used to make out like that?.........With our girlfriends

Milhouse- It's like Speed 2, but on a bus

Ralph- It tastes like burning

Ralph- I'm going to live with underground Grandma

Ralph- When I grow up I want to be a principal or a caterpillar.

Basically, everything Ralph says.

*-)
Quote by Bob_Sacamano
i kinda wish we all had a penis and vagina instead of buttholes

i mean no offense to buttholes and poop or anything

Rest in Peace, Troy Davis and Trayvon Martin and Jordan Davis and Eric Garner and Mike Brown
Last edited by element4433 at Jan 30, 2009,
#10
Doh! :p

EDIT:

HOMER: you make people misereble, and there's nothing they can do about it, just like god...

Favorite solos:

Comfortably Numb
Since I've Been Loving you
Wicked World
Mr. Crowley
Welcome To BucketheadLand
Perfect Crime
Lazy
Nightrain
The Lemon Song
Last edited by Ozwal at Jan 30, 2009,
#12
Bart-Dad, u killed the zombie flanders
Homer-He was a zombie???

Homer-I call the big one Bittie
Gear
Ibanez RG2EX2
Epiphone Les Paul
Fender Strat
Homemade EVH
Marshall JCM 800 Combo

Quote by freshtunes
its not so much that i feel guilty about masturbating, its the things that i masturbate to that make me feel guilty.
#15
1) "Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace ’accidentally’ with ’repeatedly’ and replace ’dog’ with ’son.’" - Lionel Hutz


2) "I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming." - Homer Simpson


3) "Bonjour, you cheese-eating surrender-monkeys!" - Willie


4) "Just once I'd like someone to call me 'Sir' without adding 'You're making a scene.'" - Homer Simpson


5) "Me fail English? That’s unpossible!" - Ralph Wiggum


6) "Well, I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt. I mean not that fancy store bought dirt. That stuffs loaded with nutrients. I... I can't compete with that stuff." - Moe Szyslak


7) “Owww look at me Marge, I’m making people Happy! I’m the magical man, from Happy Land, who lives in a gumdrop house on Lolly Pop Lane!!!!...... By the way I was being sarcastic...” - Homer Simpson


8) "They call them fingers but I?ve never seen them fing...Oh, there they go." - Otto the Bus Driver


9) "Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that." - Homer Simpson


10) "I used to be with it. But then they changed what it was. Now what I'm with isn't it, and what's it seems scary and wierd. It'll happen to you." - Abe Simpson
#16
I also love how Homer hates Patty and Zelma.

another good scene is when the police interrogate groundskeeper willie and he's wearing a kilt and uncrosses his legs lol.
#17
I love this one...I dont know how it sounds in english but it has same meaning...so..
Marge:Homer, Mr. Burns called. He said that if you wont go to work today, you dont have to come on monday too.

Homer:YAHOOOOO, longer weekend

I just love this one
#18
Lisa: Theres loud noises and profanity coming from downstairs, but dads up here....


gets me every time.
#19
guy: when i say "hello mr thompson" you say "hi
homer: yeah
guy: hello mr. thompson
homer: ...
Hola.
#20
Bart telling a spooky story to Homer

Bart: ...and thats how much college will cost for Maggie

Homer: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Favorite solos:

Comfortably Numb
Since I've Been Loving you
Wicked World
Mr. Crowley
Welcome To BucketheadLand
Perfect Crime
Lazy
Nightrain
The Lemon Song
#22
Searchbar!

I nicked it
Quote by alaskan_ninja
Everyone is trying a comeback now. Metallica, Smashing Pumpkins, Rage, and now bin Laden? Come on. Give it a rest..


haha
#23
Abe: That's my son up there!
Old Jewish Man: What, the balding fat-ass?
Abe: Uh, no, the Hindu guy.


Homer: Moe, I need advice. You see I have this friend called Joey Jojo...Junior...Shabadoo.
Moe: That's the worst name I ever heard.
[A man in the bar leaves crying. Barney runs after him.]
Barney: Hey, Joey Jojo!


Peter Frampton: Homer Simpson ruins my pig, Cypress Hill steals my orchestra... and now Sonic Youth is in my cooler! Get out of there, you kids!
#25
Homer: Bart, with A hundred thousand dollars we could be millionaires!
R.I.P Jon Lord, Rory Gallagher and Jimi!
#26
I'm tired of being a wannabe league bowler, i wanna be a league bowler
Sig space available, give me some praise
#27

"Yeeeeeeeeees?"
Did you know the odds of a Vault-Tec shelter failing are 1,763,497 to 1?

So imagine life in a Vault-Tec Vault. Not just a future.
A brighter future... underground.

Patrolling the Mojave almost makes you wish for a nuclear winter.
Last edited by FloyDZeD at Jan 30, 2009,
#30
edit- this!

Also when Skinner goes on about a novel that he wrote called "Billy and the Clonosaurus".
#32
Quote by helvete_og_død
austrailian guy: "You call that a noif? This is a noif" (holds a spoon)

"well scooby doo can doo doo, but jimmy carter is smarter" - homer

marge: "i'll shop till i droop!"
bart: "don't you mean drop?"
marge: "dropping is too violent"



Actually marge says "That's a very violent image, Lisa."
Feed your mind.
#34
homer and lisa building houses, hoer starts painting on a wall:

Lisa: What's that?!?!
Homer" Well if bart can be El Barto.

The wall reads: EL HOMO!
#36
Vice Principal Chalmers- I'm balDING! DING! Why doesn't anyone respect the DING?

Skinner- I respect the ding sir!

Vice Principal Chalmers- What the hell are you talking about?

Homer- I hope I didn't brain my damage.
Homer- (Talking to Queen of England) AMERICA RULES! Our Beatles are way better then your Rolling Stones!
#38
Marge: This is the worst thing you've ever done
Homer: Pfft you say that so much it's lost all meaning

or something like that
Quote by Sir Anonymous
I'd call you a crazy Brit, but your username seems to quite assure your sanity.


Quote by Slaytanic1993
Epic username of pure epicness

To: Jesus=ConArtist
#39
Simpsons did it!


Well it's south park, but it relates!
Any spelling or grammatical errors written above are because of my inferior brain to yours. Good job, you won life.
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