#1
So I'm in the process of writing my second feature length piece called ''Frampton's Last Thoughts''.

Plot is simple really, The title character, Frampton, is on the verge of suicide, and he gains access to some sort of secret of life and an infinite status, so he has a day to use some powers wisely.

At one point, Frampton ends up in a predicament in which he is playing professional soccer at a national level, for the country ''Belgium''.

Frampton is sad because Belgium are losing the game (Frampton is from Belgium), yet in his head he knows death is inevitable, and so he ends up in an incident in which he stabs the referee. It later becomes clear that the referee was Frampton's brother.


This is the basics that I have so far, only been working on it for a few months.

Opinions etc?
#2
You made me lose the game! Damnit.

Why is Belgium put in speech marks?
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#3
At the bottom, where you wrote "opinion", I thought it said "onion"


...that is all

ETDI: ****. I lost the game.

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srsly.


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#7
the ultimate-guitar pit is not somewhere u come for advice m8...

not quite sure i understand why Frampton is a nut case, i suggest you explain at some point, also always throws things into the balance with a girl who catches his eye if u know what i mean
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#8
Instead have Frampton RAPE the referee!!!

Then stab him and then jump off of a trampoline into his private helicopter to take him to Africa!

This is Larry The If you click him, he will give you magic powers.
srsly.


If you are not willing to die for the perfect s'more, Then you don't deserve a s'more at all.
#10
er i think the plot would be a lot better if its jsut abotu the last thoguths of someone close to suicide, you could explore a lot if issues about so many things, look back at his life and his thoughts etc but the whole stuf about the secret powers and football, seems poor and pointless to me but good luck anyway
#11
Umm, sounds ok, but its to vague for me to give a full opinion just yet. Whats with the sudden plot twist, and why stab the referee.

Loosing the game aside of course
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#13
If your theme is the last thoughts of someone before death, go read some Beckett.
Quote by ozzyismetal
Neopowell, that's because you are a pumped-up sex offender.
Quote by Kensai
You're exactly the kind of person who'd have sex in a bar drunk
Quote by Zero-Hartman
You're a terrible, terrible man. This is a new middle for you.

I write things. You can read them.Essay on UK student riots
#15
Well this is a sequel to my first one, I should've mentioned that.


First one was called ''Frampton's football fame''. It was basically an independantly funded movie in a documentary style, and followed Frampton's rise to footballing prominence.

The second movie shows his demise through suicide, stabbing + drugs.
#16
Quote by tp600
So I'm in the process of writing my second feature length piece called ''Frampton's Last Thoughts''.

Plot is simple really, The title character, Frampton, is on the verge of suicide, and he gains access to some sort of secret of life and an infinite status, so he has a day to use some powers wisely.

At one point, Frampton ends up in a predicament in which he is playing professional soccer at a national level, for the country ''Belgium''.

Frampton is sad because Belgium are losing the game (Frampton is from Belgium), yet in his head he knows death is inevitable, and so he ends up in an incident in which he stabs the referee. It later becomes clear that the referee was Frampton's brother.


This is the basics that I have so far, only been working on it for a few months.

Opinions etc?


Taking tips from M Night Shamaliayan eh?
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#17
Quote by N3vre

not quite sure i understand why Frampton is a nut case, i suggest you explain at some point, also always throws things into the balance with a girl who catches his eye if u know what i mean


So what you want to do is: Take an interesting story line, remove subtleties from the protagonists character and add a cliche? Sounds fantastic.
#18
can you make him secretly gay? pretty please? I'll give you infinite buttsex.
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#19
Quote by Kensai
Taking tips from M Night Shamaliayan eh?


Indeed! Thanks for noticing.


Quote by aaciseric
So what you want to do is: Take an interesting story line, remove subtleties from the protagonists character and add a cliche? Sounds fantastic.



Thanks for the compliment & naysaying of that fellas cliche. It will be no more than a cult series, and thats how I want to keep it.