#1
Will return crit, promise



Shrouded in red
It's atrophy in motion.. fate endowed
A loveable conclusion
He's just another gentle day

The window purrs
I can't see for colours in my mind
The air it soothes
Caress my hand and take me in

Je suis regret
Je suis regret
I am but please don't think that

Go rest in peace
Kick up the grass.. and leave jolie
Hours are not all they used to be
At least for me

They're not here now
They're not here now
They're with me and I'm afraid

Tomorrow I was hoping for you
Blessed jeans and arms

In this city we've lost
I dare you in. Shy or guilty

Tomorrow I was hoping for you
Blessed jeans and arms

In this city we've lost
I dare you in. Shy or guilty
#3
Quote by maelstrum415
Why is the title I Am Regret?


ya, I have regret is J'ai Regret

Edit: never mind i get it now, thats actually a pretty clever verse.
Last edited by stephen_rettie at Jan 30, 2009,
#4
Quote by stephen_rettie

Edit: never mind i get it now, thats actually a pretty clever verse.

Yea. It's meant how it translates
#5
Hm, it's patchy, there's some good parts, but other parts feel like you've just collected a load of half-rhymes and lines and just mashed them together.
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
RED MILITIA FACTION
#6
Quote by Trickycindy
Hm, it's patchy, there's some good parts, but other parts feel like you've just collected a load of half-rhymes and lines and just mashed them together.

Care to point out where?

All my lyrics are OTS, I have the music then just kinda let my mind wander and write down what it's feeling as it comes
#7
Shrouded in red
It's atrophy in motion.. fate endowed
A loveable conclusion
He's just another gentle day

Ok this one I had the biggest problem with, it's got potential but doesn't seem to really contribute anything if you know what I mean, doesn't advance in any way.

I actually really liked the rest of the song though, it's good, didn't really get the 'I am but please don't think that line' though.
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
O O O O O O O O O O
RED MILITIA FACTION
#8
Quote by Trickycindy
Shrouded in red
It's atrophy in motion.. fate endowed
A loveable conclusion
He's just another gentle day

Ok this one I had the biggest problem with, it's got potential but doesn't seem to really contribute anything if you know what I mean, doesn't advance in any way.

I actually really liked the rest of the song though, it's good, didn't really get the 'I am but please don't think that line' though.

mmh, that first bit was meant to set the scene. I do get what you mean though. Probably gonna revise that.

First one that comes to mind:
Shrouded in red
I'm atrophic motion.. fate endowed
It would be a loveable conclusion
He's just another gentler day

That line follows closely to the 'I am regret' ones. The 'I am' is meant to sound stronger (than the Je suis used previously) as if - maybe defensively - trying to convince, but this is contradicted by the line also wanting the target not to think that. It's meant to be contradictory like that, I think, possibly from a sense of pride, modesty or something else? Conflicting desires.