#1
Does this abide by the rules? ok this is really the first song ive actually completed. possibly because i havnt put it to music yet. when i try putting my lyrics to music they end up sounding corny and s hit so i never finish them. but yeah, let me know what you think of this one, theres a few bits which dont fit that ill probably fix once i have some music to put it to.

I could stop all motion
lead the way
Fill the ocean with longing
Your every move and notion
govern these tides
And i will never understand you
can i have you?
I will keep holding on
to what i fought so hard to let go
so i can let go
The sky will not fall
This distance is bigger than i can throw
and i will never understand you
Call off the search
they'll never be found, the words and what i wanted lost in your tides
And i will never understand you
I will never have you
#2
'I will never have you' would make a good title
this is quite good, not very well structured but there are some nice lines, and with some work it could certainly be a nice song.
i din't like
" I will keep holding on
to what i fought so hard to let go
so i can let go"
this kind of pointless, meaningless contradiction is used so much in songwriting and it just pisses me off

but i really liked
"Fill the ocean with longing
Your every move and notion
govern these tides"
and
"This distance is bigger than i can throw"

so there is some good stuff just keep at it.


Cheers
Ru.
Check out my band Spin-Offs
Comfort and Biscuits and Pineapple Juice now on my profile.
Any feedback appreciated

Quote by uk.mace
That's brilliant!


GO HUGS THREAD!!!
#3
ok well i put some music to it, changed and completely got rid of some bits. i think it sounds ok when i play it, cant stand listening to it recorded however.

I could stop all motion
Fill the ocean with fire (fire seemed to fit better, has a kind of elemental thing going on)
Your every move and notion, govern these tides
and i am drowning

And i will never understand you (repeated a couple of times)

This distance is bigger than i can throw
my spark nothing more than a drop in your ocean

And i will never understand you

It could've been more
and you know
but I am drowning

And i will never understand you
I'll never have you
#4
That's better, more of a throughout theme.
and i can imagine it being a really good song
Would you mind checking mine out?

it's called Be My Something Special (You Will Never)
(sorry i can't do links)
Check out my band Spin-Offs
Comfort and Biscuits and Pineapple Juice now on my profile.
Any feedback appreciated

Quote by uk.mace
That's brilliant!


GO HUGS THREAD!!!