#1
You are a little animal and,
nothing about you is stagnant.
Everything that is, is irrelevant
and when you sigh,
all I can think is...
Oh, how big of you.
Little Animal, a dab of vanilla on your nose
just so-you can't reach,
or maybe even breath? probably not.
But think of it. You, my favorite cynic
floating around quiet in a 'dynamic' world
only to judge by yourself
Reality is scary,
Metafiction too.
this one is for you.
#4
Themilkmaker, was there any point in you replying?

This is interesting, might take me a while to get my head around it. I really liked the last 2 lines, but I am probably missing the significance of others.
#5
no there wasnt im sorry. well not really but for what its worth i did like it. its like nothing iv ever seen before and i am interested in the underlying meaning of the poem/song. if only i knew what that was of course.
#6
i liked it, it seemed pretty deep, however im not exactly sure what it was about. great vocabulairy, it for sure was not a boring read. i'd sure ike to know what it was about though!
#7
Quote by Ebshabutiee
You are a little animal and,
nothing about you is stagnant. I don't like the comma after "and", makes this really weird to read. Also I think "stagnant" is a little wordy.
Everything that is, is irrelevant not sure about the repitition of "is" here
and when you sigh,
all I can think is...
Oh, how big of you. Love this line, first spark of life so far
Little Animal, a dab of vanilla on your nose
just so-you can't reach, Why the dash here?
or maybe even breath? probably not.
But think of it. You, my favorite cynic
floating around quiet in a 'dynamic' world
only to judge by yourself
Reality is scary,
Metafiction too.


I'm not sure about this one. It's really your style, but it really seems to lack character. There are moments here and there that this great personality and life shines through, but apart from that, I just found this really dry. Sorry I'm not much help. There's a link in my sig if you want to check something out.
#8
Thanks everyone, so far. For those who are looking for an explanation on the meaning, if it helps at all, it's about myself.
Kyle, the punctuation was because I originally wrote it as I was saying it outloud and tried to catch all the stop and go'es. People as of lately have been noticing the lack of punctuation in my work so I tried to change that up a bit.
I usually don't write poem-type things but I thought I would give it a shot.
this one is for you.
#9
Quote by Themilkmaker
oh, ok.

oh, ok

I really liked this. I connected in many ways; with your excellent line breaks, gorgeous word choices, and particularly with your theme. I think it was wonderfully conveyed in simplistic ways without any rubbish. I really enjoyed decided what 'side' to be on in this situation. I don't think I'll ever know. I guess it's all so personal that it takes a long time to decide.
I couldn't see it very well with the font size and colour, but that's neither here nor there. That's about the only fault I can find.

Very good work.
#10
I loved the title but the poem altogether just didn't work for me, the meaning of it is unclear, the poem was quite boring to read (it might just be my bad vocabulary). I loved two lines of this, they were 'oh, how big of you' and 'reality is scary' they were the only ones that stood out for me.
Sorry if it's to harsh but I see potential
Cheers
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We don't have spelling bees in England, instead if we get a word wrong, we get stabbed by the teacher. Then they nick our phone, film us, and put it on youtube.

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(I love David Bowie, Just Quietly)