#1
this is from about 2 years ago.

Heaven amaze
That humble dream
Vision of melodious harmony
Powerful, genuine journey
This estranged rhythmic sound in my heart
Is it love, or foolish admiration?
Your warm soothing light
Shine pure like the first flowering youth
Beautiful treasure
Without you I am but a lost soul
Sinking, slipping and silent
Comfort me
We are home


weee, i'm back...though not really. i'd make the excuse that i have writers block...but one has to be a writer first.
#2
I feel this relies too much on obscure wording.

- "Heaven amaze
That humble dream
Vision of melodious harmony
Powerful, genuine journey"


- Without proper punctuation and capatilization, this just reads like nonsense. Nonsense without an end or purpose. I do love to search hard for something, but not when I'm scratching my hands on itchy straw strands.

There's no doubt that there is beautiful stuff in here, but they're lines that carry their own weight and I don't like that. You may as well post the indivdual lines in the FreePost thread.

- "This estranged rhythmic sound in my heart
Is it love, or foolish admiration?"

- Gorgeous. Just not in terms with the bit before.

I really liked the feeling of the ending. It's quite solemn and heartfelt. That is a nice thing to this poem. It does feel very heartfelt and epic.
I think it's the flow and broken sensation to this that stops me, personally, from enjoying it that much.

It's still a good read and I'm looking forward to seeing what else you might come up with in your new found enthusiam.
Maybe this will grow on me more as I read.