#1
It's an acoustic song.

Tomorrow is gonna be the start
The start of something new
I feel that we must part
Our time together is through

Our time is over
I hope you understand
Our time is over
You're not my woman, I'm not your man

I don't wanna break
Your precious heart
But you need to know
Mine's already fallin' apart

Tell me what you think. I'm sure it sounds kinda weird in some spots, but I think it's okay for a first time.
I can honestly say I have really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like.


I don't always post on UG, but when I do, I post in the Pit. Stay thirsty my friends.
Last edited by IMABBALLPLAYER at Feb 2, 2009,
#2
To be honest, I found it very cliche. Still, acoustic songs pretty much always sound rad

Specifically, 'our time together is through' contains too many syllables for a smooth flow, perhaps you could substitute 'together' with 'as us', 'our time as us is through'. Altogether, it would need more length unless there are instrumental breaks between the verses. Having a second vocalist to sing contrary to your words would sound cool.

Kind of harsh, but I'm hoping this is constructive. Good try for your first time, but I think you can do much better. My advice: say things in a way you've never heard them said before.
#3
Hey thanks! I appreciate the criticism. I'll try and work on it some more, or just start over.
I can honestly say I have really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like.


I don't always post on UG, but when I do, I post in the Pit. Stay thirsty my friends.