#1
blue eyes screaming out
finding somewhere to hide
Confused minds leaving
Everything behind

Scratching circles in the walls
Stripping paint
Slapping hands blurring
In your face

At last , I needed it
At last, I explain.
At last no feelings,
At last I'm afraid.

Hiding in the corners
The shadows are where
everything is okay
And you can pretend

The world will notice
If anything changes
Even if it's worthless
I'd do it again

at last, I needed it
at last, I explain
at last, no more feelings
I'm trying in vain

no more questions
no more games
no expectations
no trying again.
#2
blue eyes screaming out
finding somewhere to hide
Confused minds leaving
Everything behind
I like the juxtaposition (terminology?- haven't studied English analytically in a while) in the 1st pair of lines- scream/hide works well for me. 2nd pair don't really say much to me, but that's probably me not reading deeply enough/not knowing you well enough.

Scratching circles in the walls
Stripping paint
Slapping hands blurring
In your face
I liked this stanza- creates the feel of the piece nicely.

At last, I needed it
At last, I explain.
At last no feelings,
At last I'm afraid.
Don't like the repetition here, however once again a nicely applied juxtaposition in the last pair.

Hiding in the corners
The shadows are where
everything is okay
And you can pretend
Builds a feeling of fear towards the subject of the piece, again progressing the scene well.

The world will notice
If anything changes
Even if it's worthless
I'd do it again
Don't like this stanza, doesn't make much/any sense to me.

at last, I needed it
at last, I explain
at last, no more feelings
I'm trying in vain
I like the repetition here, it appears less forced on this occasion.

no more questions
no more games
no expectations
no trying again.
Weak ending to be honest. Either I'm not reading into things enough, or I don't know the contextuals of the piece, but it doesn't really hit home.


Overall Impression: Good job overall, tailed off towards the end though. It seems to lack detail, future pieces'd certainly gain from more specifics- it seems as if you're tackling fear/hate in a general manner, things usually hit harder if you've got all the gory details in there...