when i was seventeen i wrote myself a pocket watch
that could stop time dead in it's tracks
when you pressed the
little brass button on the top.
i spent an evening with some good good
discussing it's uses
and planning our course
but we never got much further than
stopping time while we were at college
and taking pictures of the girls
frozen still in the changing rooms
before i lost the damn thing
dropped it
from the window of a speeding car.

i never saw it again
and my friends kept bugging me
but i never wrote another one
because i saw that
as we'd grown older
we'd become wilder and
drinking away our
and if we had another night
sat discussing that watch
with a game on the box and
beers in the fridge
the talk would grow ugly -

of heading back to the schools
to strip timeless bodies naked
and ruin them
in such a heartless way as
they would never know
the ghosts who stole their innocence.

love is a dog from hell.

this was all good, up until the last stanza when it got awesome.
love the concept and execution. very 'bernards watch', with a more realistic spin (as realistic as a time stopping watch can be)
not much of a crit, but i this doesnt really need it. its about as well formed as it can get.
nice one

if you fancy having a look at one of mine, no. 1 in my sig is looking a bit lonely.
--------------------i'm definitely the alphaest male here--------------------
this may be one of the favorite things I have read this year. I am starting this year in September. There's still issues of course, and I really hope I remember to come back. But really man, this is you in your best light.
Great read. It had a nice flow to it.

I know this wasn't really a crit, but didn't find anything to say on that one. But if you could have a look at mine in my sig it would be aprreciated.
r u gonna write guitar for that because id be welcome to write chords
its unbelievbly good