#1
(fixed the video link)

Hey guys, new song up here, let me know if you like it. It's called "That Train".

I'll be glad to answer any questions..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=foUY3Dx7V7k

or

http://www.facebook.com/musicplayer/index.php?owner_id=35164947442&success#/pages/Jesse-Bronson/35164947442

( ^ For those that have slower connections)

Thanks!

Jesse
Last edited by bronson_jess at Feb 8, 2009,
#4
I'm honestly speechless, it was phenomanal, keep it up, and you'll be famous
#5
I loved it man...I really did.
You have a very unique voice, and it works well with the song.
The lyrics are easy to relate to, and the guitar is kind of folky and twangy and fits perfectly.
All around, just excellent.

And thanks for the crit as well.

-Alpha
#6
Hey man thanks for the crit. As for you, this is fantastic quality, and maybe it is the fact that I see you as you perform, but this has the feel of true professionalism. I really like your song as well, it has good hooks (my favorite part is the bridge when you speed up a bit). This is killer stuff as far as singer/songwriter material goes, definitely the kind of song that would be on the "sticker" of your album. My one small problem is with a lyric (sorry man, half my major is writing so I can't much help it). When you say "framing your perfect frame" it feels awkward and redundant. I understand the stylistic approach, but for some reason it just sounds out of place. Like i said, minor comment; otherwise, keep it up and let me know when you put more stuff out. I'll do the same for you if you wish (not as much techno though haha).
#7
I'm glad you could relate to the lyrics of the song. I think that's really what songwriting is all about, sure, I could write something just about me and a girl, but, though this is about one particular girl, she has qualities each of us know. Thanks for the honesty with the lyrics. I mean, I'm no master shredder, but I do like to put a melody to some chords and write things that hopefully catch what others feel too.

Thanks for critting back too, I'll keep you posted and crit you back too.
#8
Cool stuff mate, what's the mic your using on vocals?
One thing I would do is put a little compression on your vocals, because at times the volume change is quite loud. But good stuff regardless!
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#9
Thanks Jamingguitarist, I did put some compression on the vox, but honestly, I sometimes put too much it seems and they lose their "realness" (if that's a word). I do think you are right, this one could use some more compression. I plan on doing a multi-track version of the song in the near future too, so that it can hopefully be as perfect as I can get it at my home.

As for the mic, it's just a cheap MXL 909 Vocal Condenser mic, I like it quite a bit, and it's pretty cheap, less than $100
#10
You have a great voice for starters. The only thing I didn't like was the lyrics in the chorus were a bit predictable... I really like the mood of the song though.
AMERICA
AMERICA
AMERICA
#11
Thanks for the crit..Great song there's not much i could tell you to change you had every thing there great lyric, good vocals and a cord progression that went with the song
love to hear more songs,...keep it up man you'll get somewhere.
#12
Well structured, chords are faultless and nice vocals too. Definately an element of pop in there without it being too cheesy, can imagine it appealing to a female audience especially.

Really good job, would definately listen to any more stuff you put up.

Out of interest, does he get any more from her than her name in the end?
#13
Hey thanks for the replies everyone. Meatball200, to answer your question: in the end he got more than her name (though, this is a made up situation for the most part) He is still with her now while writing the song, and still doesn't want her to go.

Thanks everyone.