#1
So, this song is basically like the first stoner song I've ever written, and I think I'll be making it like an acoustic song. It's meant to be mellow, happy, and relaxed... and was inspired by some sublime songs and The Joker by Steve Miller (and the band? lol) So, think of it like that kinda feeling. Here goes:

"When I'm High"

I smoke my weed every night and day,
Don't give a damn what the critics say,
'Cuz it feels so good when ya packin' a fresh bowl,
Then ya light that **** and let the good times roll!!!

When I ... Inhale,
It gets a little cloudy in my head,
But when I... Exhale,
Everything is happy agaaaaaaaaaiiiiiin!

Chorus:
I'm a stoner, yeaheahyeahh
All my friends don't seem to mind
Never worry about a bad trip,
'Cuz I'll always get the good side,
Walkin' closer to the light...
When I'm High!
/Chorus

Always lookin' up,
compared to the people I know,
So cynical, man,
Whatsa matter witchyou {"With You" cept..kooler.}
So much good in life,
I can help you find it all,
Just take a try!

Chorus:
We're stoners, yeaheahyeah
All our friends don't seem to mind,
Never worry 'bout a bad trip,
'Cuz we'll always get the good side,
Walkin' closer to the light,
When I'm high!
#2
dude. im stoned right now and i liked it. i think thats success.
#3
Lol. Nice.

funny thing is, I gotta stay sober for a while cuzza my rehab/counciling ****.... so this song was made above the influence :[
#4
its all good dude. **** happens. good luck with that stuff and hopefully you can enjoy a nice fat bowl soon.
#7
It's kinda stupid, but a little funny, and not bad. If you don't mind, could you crit the song in my sig? It's called Anesthetic.
#8
Well, I'm kinda glad you think that lol. I made it to be stupid/funny, as a joke so I can sing it at a talent show for school or somethin'

Cuz my school knows I'm a stoner, and everyone's always giving me a hard time about it... So I wanted to make a song to **** with em and tell em to get off my balls, yknow?

But It's aite if u think it's stupid. And expect a crit soon.
#9
You need to record it! Would be a good acoustic/vox track! I read it as a slow kinda balladish song and in my head it's really catchy...I demand you record NOW!!!
#10
LOL. If I actually had some good recording stuff I would.

I actually basically have this song in completion, with all the chord progressions and **** all layed out and the way the lyrics are gunna layer over it.

But I need like... a mic and recording programs lol
#11
Audacity for the program, but as far as equipment, I am currently as ****ed as you are.
#12
Haha, I have this ****ty-ass flimsy ol' mic I use for gaming and crap, but I tried recording with that... It SUCKS.
#13
I really don't care if the quality is crap! This song interests me! I wanna hear how your trying to portray it. This is the first user generated song that has caught my interest. Congrats my good sir!
#15
1- Why thank you good chap (@Imme)
2-@Vicious: Expect a crit soon!

EDIT:
Basic chord progression:
E-Maj for like the first two lines,
A-Maj for the next 2..
(That kinda rotates for a bit)

then you hit the chorus:
E-Maj, A-Maj, throw in a C chord then a D-Maj, *dramatic pause*, D-Maj triplet...

rinse & repeat.
Simple, yet effective, no?
Last edited by Patty-cakez at Feb 5, 2009,
#16
Quote by Patty-cakez
1- Why thank you good chap (@Imme)
2-@Vicious: Expect a crit soon!

EDIT:
Basic chord progression:
E-Maj for like the first two lines,
A-Maj for the next 2..
(That kinda rotates for a bit)

then you hit the chorus:
E-Maj, A-Maj, throw in a C chord then a D-Maj, pause, D-Maj triplet...

rinse & repeat.
Simple, yet effective, no?

not kidding here, put it in the "misc-your songs" tabs on the tab submission, before fri, and the weekend starts :p
#18
[quote="'Vicious [S7VN"]']Songs pretty simple..
But I don't know my chords either D:
I'm working on it though!
e-maj is 022100
a-maj is x02220
if thats what he is talking abt
#19
Yup, exactly.

I'm a noob with chords too, dude.
But once you learn some, It's a ****load of fun to play around with. I've made tons of little mock-songs with random chords lol.

Like me and my friends made this "Cowboy Serenade" thing one day..
But yeah, I'll work out some tabs or something sometime soon.
#20
Soz for the double post, But I thought you guys might wanna hear the chords that I just uploaded on my page... me and my friend are workin' on the vox and we'll have the whole song uploaded sometime in the near future lol.
#21
I'll admit it's is kinda hard to give a real critique on this because I only have two choices. Absolutley rip to shreds like a gramma nazi or 2 say its good enough for what you want it to be. I'd say maybe use a bit more metaphor and "funkier" vocabulary instead of bluntly stating that you smoke weed and that it is good. Thank you for your accolades of my piece. =D. ( I'm sure this song will sound a lot better than it sounds in my head )
#22
Quote by AgainsTheMirror
Thank you for your accolades of my piece. =D. ( I'm sure this song will sound a lot better than it sounds in my head )


That's always the case :]
Thanks for your comment on mine lol.
#24
really good dude. reminds me of a Kottonmouth Kings kind of thing. i could also see the Sublime/Steve Miller band influence. imma read it again when i'm high and give you an official "stoner" crit, lol.
#25
If I was to actually dig into this as a piece of "real" writing; I would absolutely crush its soul. There is nothing about this, when treated as a piece of poetry, that stands well.

But if you simply wanted to write another stoner song; that shows no real originality and simply follows suit with every other stoner song ever written. You have done so. If you want me to come by and rip this to hell and back, shoot me a PM. But be aware I am going to be blunt and unforgiving. Otherwise, just know that I didn't really enjoy this at all as a piece of writing. Whether it works with the music or not is irrelevant to me; as I just thought this was too damn ordinary to warrant anything beyond a meh.

-zC
#26
Quote by ZanasCross
If I was to actually dig into this as a piece of "real" writing; I would absolutely crush its soul. There is nothing about this, when treated as a piece of poetry, that stands well.

But if you simply wanted to write another stoner song; that shows no real originality and simply follows suit with every other stoner song ever written. You have done so. If you want me to come by and rip this to hell and back, shoot me a PM. But be aware I am going to be blunt and unforgiving. Otherwise, just know that I didn't really enjoy this at all as a piece of writing. Whether it works with the music or not is irrelevant to me; as I just thought this was too damn ordinary to warrant anything beyond a meh.

-zC


I couldn't help but laugh while reading this. I didn't WANT to make it a complicated, super-original, make-you-think-like-**** kind of song. It's a stoner song. You can be talking to someone under the influence and mention the sky being blue, and they'll go off on some diatribe about anything and everything that's blue. So, I leave the complexity to the minds of the readers. Feel free to crush the "soul" of my terribly unoriginal song, It's kool with me. I'm glad enough that you actually cared to even read it lol.
Last edited by Patty-cakez at Feb 10, 2009,
#28
I have the feeling you wouldn't take me seriously nor care if I did come back and actually dissect this and break it down; seeing as you've already basically dismissed the idea of caring about the fact it was boring as hell.

What he said^ is basically my opinion; I was just trying to sidestep coming out and saying it.
#29
It was cool. Stoner songs are a little too boring for my taste, yours is no exception, but I guess it wasn't bad for what you were going for.

I agree with clichealias. You should delete it and put maybe a little more "thought" into it, at least make it somewhat interesting.


If you could, https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1065027
Write your own lyrics or poetry? Post them HERE for a crit.
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#30
Quote by ZanasCross
I have the feeling you wouldn't take me seriously nor care if I did come back and actually dissect this and break it down; seeing as you've already basically dismissed the idea of caring about the fact it was boring as hell.

What he said^ is basically my opinion; I was just trying to sidestep coming out and saying it.


Well, Its a slap in the face when I get about 3 comments of people telling me to delete what I write. Crit it to your standards, and I'll run through the list of things you want me to change to see if there's some common ground that I agree with you on what I need to fortify in my piece... But to clarify, nobody's gunna like every song they hear, or every bit of lyrics they read. All the pop-stuff flowing around today in the mainstream isn't exactly appealing to me, but a ****load of OTHER people like it, right? Same goes for the stuff here.

But If you want to assume that I don't give a **** (which you might be right about), continue.
Last edited by Patty-cakez at Feb 10, 2009,
#31
I don't do or plan on doing drugs but that was pretty funny and I could probably enjoy listening to that, heard the chords too, if the singing is catchy you have yourself a hit, controversially-played-on-the-radio stoner song
Quote by MooshMooshMarc
I didnt have anything planned out, and I didn't know **** about improvising, so it was like "OH SHI- SOLO TIME" so I kerry-kinged it.
#32
Quote by Patty-cakez
Well, Its a slap in the face when I get about 3 comments of people telling me to delete what I write. Crit it to your standards, and I'll run through the list of things you want me to change to see if there's some common ground that I agree with you on what I need to fortify in my piece... But to clarify, nobody's gunna like every song they hear, or every bit of lyrics they read. All the pop-stuff flowing around today in the mainstream isn't exactly appealing to me, but a ****load of OTHER people like it, right? Same goes for the stuff here.

But If you want to assume that I don't give a **** (which you might be right about), continue.



What I have to say on this thread has nothing to do with your piece, so apologies in advance.

Every single person who commented on this song had a right to say whatever they liked, whether positive or negative. After all, saying "this is absolutely horrible" is just about as useful as saying "this is good, i liked it". When you post a piece on a public forum, you have to accept that people are going to say what they want. Not only that, but the people who said they didn't like it at all probably didn't give it a crit like you asked for because they just think... there's nothing good about it! The whole thing would be get rid of this and get rid of that and the other thing... And you would end up having the exact same hurt reaction.

Now if you are saying that your post wasn't an insulted response to a blunt post, then I ask you: why didn't you say something like it after all the people who just said they liked the song and didn't give any help at all?

If you really don't want to bother reading all that, basically what I'm saying is suck it up, its teh internetz :P
Last edited by Hesh at Feb 10, 2009,
#33
Quote by Hesh
What I have to say on this thread has nothing to do with your piece, so apologies in advance.

Every single person who commented on this song had a right to say whatever they liked, whether positive or negative. After all, saying "this is absolutely horrible" is just about as useful as saying "this is good, i liked it". When you post a piece on a public forum, you have to accept that people are going to say what they want. Not only that, but the people who said they didn't like it at all probably didn't give it a crit like you asked for because they just think... there's nothing good about it! The whole thing would be get rid of this and get rid of that and the other thing... And you would end up having the exact same hurt reaction.

Now if you are saying that your post wasn't an insulted response to a blunt post, then I ask you: why didn't you say something like it after all the people who just said they liked the song and didn't give any help at all?

If you really don't want to bother reading all that, basically what I'm saying is suck it up, its teh internetz :P


True dat, True dat... I guess that kinda opened my eyes a bit.. and Thanks for not being a douche while putting it that way too. It really helps. But I guess when people are telling me that It's good and heckling me to record it, I get the implication that I SHOULDN'T change a thing. Which is the exact opposite when someone tells me that they can go to hell and back criting it. Which in itself, I can take as a wonderful comment, seeing as they've got SOME interest in my piece so much that they won't hesitate to help better it.