#1
Engraved, metal against wood
beneath the desk, your hair stood up just before the bell rang.
"We will meet at noon," you said, but how could I remember.
And where is that fence under which we use to crawl?

You clasp your hands together everytime
expecting something profound.
you shove your shoes on with help only from the ground
and for a while I complied
dimiss only the complications I deny.

Let me collect all that is what you see
and attach them to someone elses nerve endings
And check all these photographs for sound
because i just finished turning them all face down.

Yet another breath in the space between the air
.
#2
i think we have kind of cyclical pattern, because every time i don't write for awhile and come back to this place i see a post from you. the actual rhyming in this makes it so good. like the ideas are already good, but then the second verse comes and that verse is great. the next line how it subtly works off the rhyme in the second verse rules. just really great,

by the way, did you hear about the new Deftones? i guess they're replacing Chi.. sucks what happened to him.
#3
it is a testament to us only writing when we want to, and hinestly i haven't had the urge in a while, well i guess until now. I will get to one of yours soon, and yeah, that is crazy about chi.
#5
This is my favourite piece I've read in a long time. The way you twist the words into something more than just terms in which to describe a basic scenario is beautiful. It reads so detailed and complicated, when really it's not. But, I guess the more you dive, the more you find.
So, it's not entirely transparent or simple - although it may be on the first few reads - it's more enthralling than you might imagine.
What I'm trying to say is, this evolves perfectly. Your rhyming is fantastically subtle and seems to progress with each sentence, the story then coinciding with that progression effortlessly.
I loved it.

Btw, I didn't know Chi was being replaced. It's one of the most disappointing things to here.
Last edited by AngryGoldfish at Feb 9, 2009,
#6
nice poem i liked the pink letters the best <3 lol jk

anyways chi's being replaced no way...
Singer/Songwriter/Guitarist/Bassit/Drummer/Screamer/Marocka Shaker/Flute Tamer/Bio Chemical Robot Lover/Holographic Charizard owner/ Industrial waste polutionier/Stoner
#8
Yeah, of course they are. If I had known he was still in a coma, there would of been a little less of a shock. I Don't know whether I want them to continue without him. It's not up to me. Shame.

I don't mean to cramp your thread, TS.