#1
The beginning not the End

Another year of my life come to pass
Another full spectrum in the colour of the grass
Things are getting better this time, i don't mind,
February's got me on the mend

The dark nights of winter are a’closing
Sunlight’s fighting to get a hold
Yes maybe it’s still wet and windy
But I'm the kinda guy who's never cold

February’s got me on the mend
My Friend
February’s got me on the mend

And isn’t it dramatic, the wind and the storms
But you pessimistic people seem to squirm
I think it’s fantastic as the rain hits my grin
February’s got me on the mend

So stop thinking of where we’re at
And where we have been
Now’s the time for looking forward
To sights unseen
Summertime may still be along way away
But trust me it gets closer every day

February’s got me on the mend
My Friend
This is just the beginning not the end
Check out my band Spin-Offs
Comfort and Biscuits and Pineapple Juice now on my profile.
Any feedback appreciated

Quote by uk.mace
That's brilliant!


GO HUGS THREAD!!!
Last edited by mcmeddesr at Feb 8, 2009,
#2
this wasn't that bad
it had that flow to it
some decent imagery
but on the downside it didn't really carry any punch
Reaching for the sun
one may forget
the feet which
ground him
#3
Quote by mcmeddesr
The beginning not the End
This first passage seems to doit's job except the third line really killed the flow. ) Fix it)
Another year of my life come to pass
Another full spectrum in the colour of the grass
Things have got to get better from this time
and i don't mind
February's got me on the mend

Again I like most of this part except for the last line... way to blunt. Especially the ending of that line. ( Change it )
The dark nights of winter are a’closing
Sunlight’s fighting to get a hold
Yes maybe it’s still wet and windy
But I’ve got you right here so I’m not cold

I like this. It's simple and doesn't try to be too flashy. ( Should work good with music )
February’s got me on the mend
My Friend
February’s got me on the mend

Third line is a bit awkward but the rest is fine.
And isn’t it dramatic, the wind and the storms
But you pessimistic people seem to squirm
I think it’s fantastic I’ll let the rain hit my grin
February’s got me on the mend

I don't like the last two lines but down change the otheres. They are perfect. Last lines are awkward at parts and kill flow.
So stop thinking of where we’re at
And where we have been
Now’s the time for looking forward
To sights unseen
Summertime may still be along way away
But trust me it gets closer every day

February’s got me on the mend
My Friend
This is just the beginning not the end

All in all a very good effort. I enjoyed critiquing this.
c4c? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1062140
Last edited by AgainsTheMirror at Feb 7, 2009,
#4
wow, thak you very much for such a constructive crit.
well i've made some edits see what you think.
Check out my band Spin-Offs
Comfort and Biscuits and Pineapple Juice now on my profile.
Any feedback appreciated

Quote by uk.mace
That's brilliant!


GO HUGS THREAD!!!