#1
Sorry everybody posted this song earlier but it got closed cause i forgot that your not supposed to put any flashy names if your song doesnt have a name. So to everyone i apologize heres the song again any crit is apreciated ill try to crit yours too.

Verse 1
The world seems brighter
When Im Beside You
Shadows are illuminated
I dont know why
You shine brighter then the sun
Still I dont close my eyes
Because a blind man in the dark
Can still find his way to the light

Chorus
And why can i only sing songs about you
And why do the words i think never come through
The world seems clearer
When you get nearer
But my minds still far away
And why when your gone does the world seem so grey

Verse 2
The waves crash upon the beach
To erase proof of our footsteps
So we'll run back down it
To never be forgot
Im like a captainless ship
Im stranded out to sea
Hoping that the light you shed
Can guide me home safely

Chorus
And why can i only sing songs about you
And why do the words i think never come through
The world seems clearer
When you get nearer
But my minds still far away
And why when your gone does the world seem so grey
Last edited by Scary Cow at Feb 6, 2009,
#2
This could really turn out to be a very beautiful ballad.. but there need to be some corrections.
First of all... waaaay too wordy. I think you really need to focus on your idea and what feelings you want to portray to the listener. Second.... use some different vocabulary. Spruce it up a bit with some fitting words ( Thesaurus ). and lastly.
When Im Beside You
Shadows are illuminated -----> This makes no sense to me at all D':
I dont know why .

Good effort mate. 7.75/10 ( As of now ) 9/10 ( With corrections and hard work =D )
c4c? https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1062140
Last edited by AgainsTheMirror at Feb 6, 2009,
#3
Personally i think its great the first verse could use a little adjustment that didnt hit me as hard as the chorus as for "too wordy" i dont think theres any such thing i think the better the words you use the more appealing it is and as long as you have a nice kind of love song guitar in the back it should be a beutiful song. Wish i wrote it=]
#4
i like it a lot..the first verse didnt catch me as hard as i would have liked it to..but maybe if you phrased it differently or how you sung it would make that change

i liked it and think with the right music it can be epic..its very...beautiful..much kudos

C4C?

https://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1063154
Quote by jsbud11
Dude your leetness is maximum.
Seriously if you leave UG without becoming a mod, I will kill someone.
Quote by Devopast
This is turning into fap-to-amazingfretman's-love-a-thon