#1
First time posting this sort of thing. Eek.

Strings

Sitting in my cardboard cage
Moving as I gently shake
Entrapped inside this sour rage
Nought to give nor none to take

The sky’s a wall all around
Bricked into a certain dread
Ears pick up on muffled sound
As I claw inside my head

Peering out from solid bars
Taste the evil in the air
Stir the sins inside the jar
Sit and chew my knotted hair

Nails scratch a pattern deep
Score a poem into my skin
Dare not cry, dare not weep
As my hope is waning thin

Fingers locked upon my chest
Furtive grins do line my face
Curled inside my filthy nest
Feed from pools of my disgrace

Heart’s a gnawed up mangled slice
Of every sin I beg to deny
Hopeful shadows I do entice
Tongue the sweetness of a lie

Hear my master’s silver call
As I lie in fragments on the floor
Eyes are shattered, face is dull
Hear the creak of that sly door

Sitting in my cardboard cage
Nothing left to want to save
Entrapped inside this sour rage
I seek no life beyond this grave.
I'll run in the rain till Im breathless
When Im breathless I'll run till I drop
The thoughts of a fools kind of careless
Im just a fool waiting on the wrong block.
#2
In places it gets a bit off track. I'm not keen on the third and sixth verses.
Also, the description 'that sly door' possibly needs work - why is the door 'sly'?

Asides from that, this is good. I quite liked the opening and closing verses and the second and fourth. I loved the line, 'Hear my master's silver call'.
Great for a first posting but don't try and tell me it's your first poem. I'll be looking foward to some more of yours.
He likes Keats but she's into Yeats - it's a matter of Romance

E-Mistress to UG's Finest Gentleman


Come away, oh human child,
To the waters and the wild
With a fairy hand in hand;
For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand.