#1
So, I wrote this song, and here's the first verse and Chorus,but I don't know where to go with it:

Verse One -

People, Changing
My very image of me
People, Killing
My thought of who I used to be
You've been, Stareing
In that same direction
You've been, thinking
Of going to the sewers
Going to the sewers for a while

Chorus -

Why'd you
Have to
Put that gun to your head
I can't understand what they said
Why'd you
Have to
Paint your brains on the walls
And now I'm stuck in the sewers
Stuck in the sewers with you

and verse two starts something like this:

Verse 2 -

I've been, Staring
At the clock hoping it'd rewind
You've been. gone for
six hours sense you've been alive

-end-

And it needs more

Help?
#3
This song flows great, I can hear it being sung in my head so well, a couple errors though.

You put "sense" instead of "since".
Also "you've been gone six hours since you've been alive" doesn't really make much sense.

Just substitute the words "...you've been alive" with something else.

Oh, and you spelled "staring" wrong.
Soon you will sit on the bench
of those who deny I have my soul
You sell a dream you create
Condemned by what you condemned before
Smooth are the words you sing down and high
Underground is your joy your laws
Last edited by MedicreDemon at Feb 7, 2009,