#1
So, I literally just wrote this song.. like 5 minutes ago. I'm thinkin' of making it like a mellow, calm, quiet, and semi-happy acoustic blues song. It's about optimism and looking up for that light of hope... Since It's a blues song, the lyrics aren't necessarily close together in the song, and most of it will be music instead of lyrics.But yeah... Read through it slowly lol.

"Sunshine"

Good mornin', my Sunshine.
Mmm, Dawn break's bright in your eyes,
Ooh, sweet,sweet Sunshine...

Have faith, girl,
With time there always comes a change,
A chance for you to be happy... again,
Mmm, Soak it in,
The sweet Sunshine.

Don't be afraid, hun,
Your world won't always be...what it seems,
But that's the funny thing...
Mhmm, On those rainy days,
There could be some sweet, sweet Sunshine.

With every pain, we learn a lesson.
And with every thorn, there comes a rose.
But It's a surprise, which only He knows.
Mmmhmm, wipe the tears from your eyes...
And take refuge, Ooh,
In that sweet, California Sunshine.
#3
Haha, I love how you reversed every rose having a thorn to every thorn having a rose.
Soon you will sit on the bench
of those who deny I have my soul
You sell a dream you create
Condemned by what you condemned before
Smooth are the words you sing down and high
Underground is your joy your laws
#8
must stop over to record a bitching mellow acoustic song
"Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo."
#9
Quote by Gibshall
must stop over to record a bitching mellow acoustic song


Soon, my friend.... Soon.
#10
Sunshine is a bit of a cliche eh?
I know It fits, but it's still a little "used" imo.

otherwise, good lyrics.
I don't even shred
#11
I honestly don't think cliche stuff is too big of a problem.
Lot's of songs are cliche, if you think about it, but they still are hits.
I think this could be one hell of an acoustic song, not sure about blues.
This is probably my favorite of yours so far.
'grats! :P
#12
[quote="'Vicious [S7VN"]']I honestly don't think cliche stuff is too big of a problem.
Lot's of songs are cliche, if you think about it, but they still are hits.
I think this could be one hell of an acoustic song, not sure about blues.
This is probably my favorite of yours so far.
'grats! :P

Thank you, and I agree. Alot of things are cliche when you think about it... but That's not wat worries me. I wrote the song on a rainy day after a week of beautiful weather up here in northern california (beautiful as in PERFECT temperature, no clouds for 3 days straight, bright warm sun....it just makes you feel happy.) And I got bored, so I wrote a song.

But thanks all for you feedback, I really do appreciate it
#13
I think i hit a break with this one. I was doodling around on guitar and i came up with a nice mellow and slow riff/lick combo that i think would be awesome for this one. I'll see what i can work with


*This is by far my favorite piece I've written. I just feel good while reading it.*
#16
why the hell would you report that?

its just a double post. surley they have better things to do.
#17
Indeed....


I kinda think thats kinda sad that he's explorin' S+L just to report ppl who break lil' rules.
He SHOULDA come here to read my lyrics and productively critique them... :\
#18
I'm pretty sure the reason why he reported you was because you bumped a piece which had been dead for a month or so. If you wanted more critiques on this you should be critiquing other peoples work. So instead of flaming him for because he reported you instead of critiquing you, maybe you should reflect a bit and see that you could just as easily be critting someone else rather than bumping your own thread.

I'm not here to patronize you or insult you, I just wanted to point out that there was a legit. reason for him to report you.
O! music: Click (Youtube)


^ Click to see an acoustic arrangement of Ke$ha's 'Your Love is my Drug' - everyone's favourite song.