#1
I haven't written anything in a long long while. Hopefully this will go over well, I'm quite happy with it. Crit 4 crit as always.

To hear the song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68nO35CUKio


It’s more than keys on a piano
More than strings on a guitar
Music’s so much more than just singing
It’s gotta come from your heart
That’s what I never understood
All the songs I used to write
Never meant anything to anyone
Until you came into my life

I don’t have a favorite song
So I wrote one about you
Verses go on and on
All the things that I love about you
And the pain I feel when I have to be without you
You are the music within me

It’s so much more than a pad of paper
More than ink inside a pen
You’ve got to let everything else go
And let your heart right in
Then writing’s more thinking
And thinking’s more like a waste of time
Cause nothing else really matters
Since you’re all that’s on my mind

I don’t have a favorite song
So I wrote one about you
Verses go on and on
All the things that I love about you
And the pain I feel when I have to be without you
You are the music within me

Every song I sing
Every breath I take in between
You are the music within me

I don’t have a favorite song
So I wrote one about you
Verses go on and on
All the things that I love about you
And the pain I feel when I have to be without you
You are the music within me
Last edited by Mlnwd at Feb 9, 2009,
#2
I like the concept. Nothing to say really except that :

And the pain I feel when I have to be without you

I would changed it to : And the pain I feel without you
Seems to flow better this way.

C4C the one in my sig ? ^^
#3
I have the same reaction as UVER.
The flow doesn't feel right in this part:
"I don’t have a favorite song
So I wrote one about you
Verses go on and on
All the things that I love about you
And the pain I feel when I have to be without you
You are the music within me"

Other than that, I love this song.
Shows great emotion.
Great work!

Crit Cursed Name or Hating You Completes Me? (link is in sig)
Thanks!
#4
Quote by Mlnwd
lots of emotion, thats really what makes a song, and you def. show that here, nice job


Did you crit your own song there ? oO
#5
lol omg that was meant for vicious, sorry my fault, my computer froze up and i mean to write that onto his piece but then i forgot which page i was on lol go me
Last edited by Mlnwd at Feb 9, 2009,
#6
Quote by Mlnwd
I haven't written anything in a long long while. Hopefully this will go over well, I'm quite happy with it. Crit 4 crit as always.


It’s more than keys on a piano
More than strings on a guitar
Music’s so much more than just singing
Avoid directly saying 'music'. I find it quite poor, if you have to tell me what you're talking about, you know what I mean?

It’s gotta come from your heart
That’s what I never understood
All the songs I used to write
Never meant anything to anyone
Until you came into my life
A little cliche, but not bad. You could try to put in some metaphors or fancy words in, but you'd get away with it

I don’t have a favorite song
So I wrote one about you
Verses go on and on
All the things that I love about you
And the pain I feel when I have to be without you
You are the music within me
Again good, but a little to the point. Try being more colourful. Something like "You're the music, flowing through my veins, to the tip of my pen', that kind of thing.

It’s so much more than a pad of paper
More than ink inside a pen
You’ve got to let everything else go
And let your heart right in
First two lines were fantastic, second two were meh...
Then writing’s more thinking
And thinking’s more like a waste of time
Cause nothing else really matters
Since you’re all that’s on my mind
I quite liked it.

I don’t have a favorite song
So I wrote one about you
Verses go on and on
All the things that I love about you
And the pain I feel when I have to be without you
You are the music within me

Every song I sing
Every breath I take in between
You are the music within me

I don’t have a favorite song
So I wrote one about you
Verses go on and on
All the things that I love about you
And the pain I feel when I have to be without you
You are the music within me


It's very decent as a set of lyrics, very solid. The only thing I'd do personally is add some metaphors and be more colourful and descriptive. But it was good! And thanks for critting mine, by the way!