#1
Hey guys, new song I've been working on. I think I'm really starting to improve lyrics-wise, and I'm fairly proud of these, not least because it's talking about an issue that's really close to me at the moment, so it was cathartic to write this so well (I think, at least!).

Whether or not I choose to add a bridge part depends on the music - whether I put in a solo or opt for a vocal bridge.

Anyways, here they are. I'm very happy to see your lyrics too, and will give as full a crit as I can, just leave a link!


Of Cicero and Cilicia

The adage asserts: Out of sight, out of mind;
What you don’t know can’t hurt you.
Well I would retort
That the axiom ought to consider the victim.

When distance puts blinkers on your nearest and dearest
You walk in the twilight, a fleet-footed ghost.
You flash into focus, but just for a moment,
A distant recalling, a memory at most.

[Chorus]
I could be wrong, but is it too much to ask for two-way traffic?
I’m starting to find, I’m sick and I’m tired, I’m up to my neck and I’ve had it
With being too eager to shatter the quiet;
If I don’t then it will persist.

The adage asserts that absence’s function’s
To make hearts grow fonder.
Well I would retort
That in fact all it’s good for is short-term amnesia.

When rules place an ocean betwixt you and the action
You comply with your duty, much to your chagrin
While life there continues: solipsistic; self-serving,
Your dignity rots you from outside to in.
Last edited by el_jimbo at Feb 8, 2009,
#2
wow i really like this one

i could actually learn a thing or to by studying into your lyric writing style

its a great style and i like the vocabulary you use


i got really lost on the last verse though..all the big words lost me haha

i shall rate it a 9/10 only because some of the big words

great job =]
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#3
Thanks for the reply and kind words, much appreciated! As I said, if anyone's kind enough to see mine, I'll gladly see theirs! I've already critted a few pieces and will try and do some more tomorrow.
#4
this is great man!
the other guy mentioned marking it down for long words, but personally i think that in song
they can be very attention grabbing and make you focus on certain things.

Like in this part:

The adage asserts that absence’s function’s
To make hearts grow fonder.
Well I would retort
That in fact all it’s good for is short-term amnesia.

great work man, kinda makes me remember why im trying to get good at writing, cause i want to do stuff like this
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Daze Of My Youth

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"